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It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.11

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 11
Exploring different parts of the world has always been an imports aspect in terms of scientists as well as governments. Travelling to extreme ends of the earth for experts and travellers is feasible in today’s world as the South Pole. In my opinion, this step explores the opportunities for a better life in many ways and has a wide variety of advantages to humankind. Firstly, travelling to remote areas where humans have never lived before expanding the possibilities of living there. With the increase in population around the world, the earth is getting smaller and smaller every day, therefore the demand for more land is high to provide the habitat for the growing population. For instance, urban regions of Mumbai, India, are getting polluted and constrain with the rise in the number of residences each year. Hence, the allocation of these people to another land is a big reason to worry for the government. Secondly, possibilities of natural resources are high in remote areas like the South Pole because of zero habitats on such lands, therefore travelling to such places is a major relief for the scientific community in terms of providing better utilities to the people. For instance, recently it has been revealed by geological experts that extreme poles of earth carry ampule amount of fresh water, and this can benefit humans in terms of providing drinking water for 100 years. However, extreme environmental conditions of such regions can make living possibilities difficult, as humans acceptable range of living is in moderate temperature zone. In conclusion, the hot and cold temperature can be a challenge for humans to survive in remote regions. Although, the benefits mentioned above outweigh the disadvantages of travelling to remote regions of the world.
Exploring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has always been an
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "imports'" or "import's"?
imports
aspect in terms of scientists
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
to extreme ends of the earth for experts and
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
is feasible in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as the South Pole. In my opinion, this step explores the opportunities for a better life in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and has a wide variety of advantages to humankind.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
areas where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
expanding the possibilities of living there. With the increase in population around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, the earth is getting smaller and smaller every day,
therefore
the demand for more land is high to provide the habitat for the growing population.
For instance
, urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
of Mumbai, India, are getting polluted and constrain with the rise in the number of residences each year.
Hence
, the allocation of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to another land is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
reason to
The verb 'worry' does not normally take the preposition 'for'. Did you mean "worry about"?
worry for
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

Secondly
, possibilities of natural resources are high in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
areas like the South Pole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of zero habitats on such lands,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to such places is a major relief for the scientific community in terms of providing better utilities to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, recently it has
been revealed
by geological experts that extreme poles of earth carry ampule amount of fresh water, and this can benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in terms of providing drinking water for 100 years.
However
, extreme environmental conditions of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
living possibilities difficult, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
acceptable range of living is in moderate temperature zone.

In conclusion
, the hot and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
temperature can be a challenge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to survive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the benefits mentioned above outweigh the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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