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It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 6
Nowadays, families wonder whether they should take some courses to learn how to raise their children due to the way they implement will highly impact in the development and future behaviour of their offsprings. I certainly disagree with these type of trainings. I strongly believe that parents need to find out the best way to do it while their kids are growing because every child in the world has different needs. In this essay I will explain some examples. If parents or tutors follow a prescribed recipe to educate their babies the results will be more negative than beneficial because this can bring up the frustration if results are not like expected. For instance, if parents are taught to raise healthy and average children and their kids are born handicapped, they will definitely struggle with this fact. Parents cannot take a complete education about every single kind of cases that they will have. On the other hand, They can be supported by experts, family and friends with some experience about this. Firstly, they should meet up their babies and get an evaluation by experts once they are born, then they will acknowledge the very basic need of their kids. After that, they will see them grow and discover what can help them to improve their lives. For example, they can find out that their kids are really good at sports or that they like more mental challenges, so they can investigate programs where they could participate and consequently fit well. This will definitely be much more helpful than a training. To summarize, I think that parents need to see with their own eyes and experience what their baby's necessities are so they can find the best way to raise them. Courses will create frustration and confusions if things do not flow like expected.
Nowadays, families wonder whether they should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
courses to learn how to raise their children due to the way they implement will
highly
impact in the development and future
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. I
certainly
disagree with these type of trainings. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to find out the best way to do it while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every child in the world has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or tutors follow a prescribed recipe to educate their babies the results will be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
than beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can bring up the frustration if results are not like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are taught
to raise healthy and average children and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are born
handicapped, they will definitely struggle with this fact.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
cannot take a complete education about every single kind of cases that they will have.

On the other hand
, They can
be supported
by experts, family and friends with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experience about this.
Firstly
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up their babies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an evaluation by experts once they
are born
, then they will acknowledge the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. After that, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them grow and discover what can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, they can find out that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at sports or that they like more mental challenges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can investigate programs where they could participate and
consequently
fit well. This will definitely be much more helpful than a training.

To summarize
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes and experience what their baby's necessities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can find the best way to raise them. Courses will create frustration and confusions if things do not flow like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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