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It is more important to work at a job that you enjoy that it is to earn a lot of money. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your opinion. v.1

It is more important to work at a job that you enjoy that it is to earn a lot of money. Use specific reason and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
In my opinion, a person should choose what he likes rather than choosing something on the basis of how much money can be earned. Money can' t buy passion and inner happiness from the satisfaction which can be earned through the work which we like most. First of all, a person choosing a work or job which he loves to do, always help him to achieve success. As success is not a measure of how much money a person earns, but rather it is how much happily and satisfactorily he is successful in his life. We can also understand this by taking the example of Steve Job, founder of Apple Inc. , he chose to do what he loved always and passionate about; rather doing something which can hamper his overall performance. People can flourish in their careers, if they choose the right path on the basis of their own interests, irrespective of what other professions can offer them in monetary terms. Moreover, if a person chooses to do the job according to his core interest can help him to achieve the monetary success as well. According to my own experience, there was person in my software development team, he was intelligent and hard working person but he tried to put his best efforts to improve his performance in the software development. Being his lead, my Senior HR manager asked me to have meeting with him. During the meeting, I tried to find out the problem areas of low performance; that 1 hour discussion with my team member helped me to understand that the person chose software development becuase he feels that this profession can offer him good amount of money, but personally the person feels good himself in website designing. I tried to give him all positive sides of choosing where he feels his competencies lies and majorily money would not come if you are performing bad in your job. Our management took a decision to give him a chance to work in website designing and when he started as designer, his overall performnace started imrpoving. Currently that person is working with a renowned Tech firm as website front end developer and earning very good package. Consequently, money comes after knowledge and good performance. Furthermore, it is always better to improve the productivity of any individual, if they are happy at their, and there are reason they can be good asset to the organization and can earn good income as well as they feel good personally. “Sound mind, sound body” help them to manage their families in a better way rather than stay stucked in the work as running behind money in the false hope of success. Additionally, a personally productive person can serve the society better, because we all contribute to our society not only with money but also with good deeds. To encaptulate, the above mentioned points and examples substantiate my stand and I agree that a person should choose a job what he enjoys and passionate about, without running after money only. A person will definitely get successful in terms of profession as well as income when he chooses right and does that with full dedication.
In my opinion, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what he likes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than choosing something on the basis of how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be earned
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
passion and inner happiness from the satisfaction which can
be earned
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which we like most.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to do, always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not a measure of how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
earns,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
it is how much
happily
and
satisfactorily
he is successful in his life. We can
also
understand this by taking the example of Steve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
, founder of Apple Inc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
he chose to do what he
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'loved'.
loved always
and passionate about;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
doing something which can hamper his
overall
performance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can flourish in their careers, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the right path on the basis of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests, irrespective of what other professions can offer them in monetary terms.

Moreover
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
according to his core interest can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to achieve the monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
as well
. According to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, there was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in my software development team, he was intelligent and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he tried to put his best efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his performance in the software development. Being his lead, my Senior HR manager asked me to have meeting with him. During the meeting, I tried to find out the problem areas of low performance; that 1 hour discussion with my team member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to understand that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
chose software development
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
that this profession can offer him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
personally
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
himself in website designing. I tried to give him all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of choosing where he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feels
his competencies lies and
Possible spelling mistake found.
majorily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
if you are performing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Our management took a decision to give him a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in website designing and when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as designer, his
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
performnace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Possible spelling mistake found.
imrpoving
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is working with a renowned Tech firm as website front
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
developer and earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
package.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
after knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
performance.

Furthermore
, it is always better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the productivity of any individual, if they are happy at their, and there are reason they can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
asset to the organization and can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
income
as well
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
personally
. “Sound mind, sound body”
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to manage their families in a better way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
stay stucked
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as running behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the false hope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Additionally
, a
personally
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can serve the society better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we all contribute to our society not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
deeds.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
encaptulate
, the above mentioned points and examples substantiate my stand and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
what he enjoys and passionate about, without running after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
successful in terms of profession
as well
as income when he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
right and does that with full dedication.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important to work at a job that you enjoy that it is to earn a lot of money. Use specific reason and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
530 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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