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It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree of disagree? v.1

It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. v. 1
Many people say that in order to fight diseases, the government should invest more money in encouraging a healthy lifestyle instead of spending money on the treatment of people who are already suffering from illness. I advocate this point of view. On one hand, I agree that a large proportion of the state budget should be allocated to activities or campaigns that promote a healthy lifestyle. This is because a lot of diseases nowadays are actually the direct result of people’s unhealthy habits. For example, children who eat fast food on a daily basis commonly can suffer from a range of health issues, such as weight problems and obesity. These diseases can be prevented if people are made more aware of the severe consequences of an unhealthy diet. In addition, there are a number of incurable diseases, such as HIV, AIDS and many forms of cancer. Of course, there are drugs and treatments that can prolong the life of patients suffering from such diseases, but the better solution in this case is obviously trying to prevent these diseases from occurring, instead of trying to cure them, which can often place a heavy burden on patients’ families, and on society as a whole. On the other hand, the treatment for people who are already ill should also receive adequate funding, due to the fact that some diseases simply cannot be prevented. People living in many tropical or coastal regions, for example, are highly vulnerable to waterborne diseases after a natural disaster such as a tsunami or heavy flooding. Additionally, there are also some illnesses and disorders that are inherited. For instance, if a person suffers from asthma, it is highly likely that his children will also contract respiratory related diseases, regardless of their diet or lifestyle. These mentioned cases would be almost impossible for people or the government to prevent, and therefore money needs to be spent on the treatment of patients. In conclusion, both promoting a healthy lifestyle and spending money on the treatment of people who are already ill are equally important in the fight against diseases, and each country should develop flexible plans to adapt to different situations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that in order to fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in encouraging a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already suffering from illness. I advocate this point of view.

On one hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that a large proportion of the state budget should
be allocated
to activities or campaigns that promote a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
nowadays are actually the direct result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
unhealthy habits.
For example
, children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food on a daily basis
commonly
can suffer from a range of health issues, such as weight problems and obesity. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are made
more aware of the severe consequences of an unhealthy diet.
In addition
, there are a number of incurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, such as HIV, AIDS and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms of cancer.
Of course
, there are drugs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
that can prolong the life of patients suffering from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the better solution
in this case
is
obviously
trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
from occurring,
instead
of trying to cure them, which can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
place a heavy burden on patients’ families, and on society as a whole.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already ill should
also
receive adequate funding, due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
simply
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tropical or coastal regions,
for example
, are
highly
vulnerable to waterborne
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
after a natural disaster such as a tsunami or heavy flooding.
Additionally
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses and disorders that
are inherited
.
For instance
, if a person suffers from asthma, it is
highly
likely that his children will
also
contract respiratory related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, regardless of their diet or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. These mentioned cases would be almost impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
, and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
needs to
be spent
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of patients.

In conclusion
, both promoting a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already ill are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the fight against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, and each country should develop flexible plans to adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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