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it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children than to spend money on universities v.2

it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children than to spend money on universities v. 2
Without a shadow of doubt, budget allocation priorities have always been a key factor in successful governments. Authorities should manage these priorities to decide which issue needs to be focused on more. In my opinion, they shoud aim for education of university students with higher priority than youngsters (five to ten years old). In what follows, I will aptly elabrate on my perspective. The first remarkable point to be mentioned is that the education of very young children are not so demanding and expensive. The only stuff that they need is a school with desks and blackboards, because it is not indispensble to teach them intricate concepts and their lessons are so easy to understand. On the other side, the subjects taught in the unversities are too sophisticated to be learned by a blackboard. In other words, their classes should be equipped with projectors and computers, since all of their courses require presentation. Had they not have computers they cannot give a influential lecture. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a senior elementry school student our principle decided to buy laptop for all classrooms. However, our teacher used it for no subject, because it wasn' t neccessary and we comprehend all the content without that laptop. Another equally important reason is that university students are those who must work with different labratory devices to do research on significant industrial topics. There are many problems in the companies and factories which these students should solve in the uiversity and present their novelty answer to those factories. Also, the university students will find a lob in the near future after graduation and they have to be experts of their fields of study by working with different equipments. If the government does not spend money on buying those appliances, students will be employed without any practical knowledge. In conclusion, government officials should spend more budget on universities that schools because not only schools do not need high-tech devices such as laptop and computers which universities do, but also, university students need numerous impliments.
Without a shadow of doubt, budget allocation priorities have always been a key factor in successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Authorities should manage these priorities to decide which issue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to
be focused
on more. In my opinion, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoud
aim for education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with higher priority than youngsters (five to ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
). In what follows, I will
aptly
Possible spelling mistake found.
elabrate
on my perspective.

The
first
remarkable point to
be mentioned
is that the education of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young children are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
demanding and expensive. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stuff that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with desks and blackboards,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensble
to teach them intricate concepts and their lessons are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy to understand. On the other side, the subjects taught in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unversities
are too sophisticated to
be learned
by a blackboard.
In other words
, their classes should
be equipped
with projectors and computers, since all of their courses require presentation. Had they not have computers they cannot give
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
influential lecture. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example of this. When I was a senior
Possible spelling mistake found.
elementry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
our principle decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
laptop for all classrooms.
However
, our teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it for no subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasn&
#039; t
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
neccessary and
we comprehend all the content without that laptop.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible spelling mistake found.
labratory
devices to do research on significant industrial topics. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories which these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should solve in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
uiversity
and present their novelty answer to those factories.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will find a lob in the near future after
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
graduation and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be experts of their fields of study by working with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
equipments. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not spend money on buying those appliances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be employed
without any practical knowledge.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials should spend more budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
high-tech devices such as laptop and computers which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
numerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
impliments
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children than to spend money on universities v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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