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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.8

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 8
Some people agree that traditional cultures are going to be out-of-date due to the development of technology. I completely disagree with this viewpoint and I believe that all of us could find a better way to live with them. First of all, traditional cultures have a connection with a country's history and national identity of people who treasure them, which means both countries and people are unconsciously influenced by traditional cultures and custom in all ages. For example, calligraphy could be a typical representative of old cultures whose importance has been challenged by typing. Despite that handwriting seems to be less efficient in terms of conveying instant messages, it serves as a key means to record history and it passes the civilization in its characterized way. As technology progresses, calligraphy also develops itself into an art, driving the styles of clothes and furniture in the new era. On the other hand, I do understand that fully obeying the traditional activities in detail could lead to some bad habits, such as burning paper in the Qingming Festival. However, what we put emphasis on is the meaning behind the behaviour rather than the activity itself. We can choose alternative ways like lighting a candle and "burning" paper on an electronic screen in order to show our respect to ancestors and revolutionary martyrs. Apart from the differences in form, our mind for sacrificial culture and treasure for traditional values are essentially the same with the help of technology. In conclusion, it is clear to me that we have to be in favour of traditional cultures all the time for the full appreciation of the identification with our own race and value.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are going to be out-of-date due to the development of technology. I completely disagree with this viewpoint and I believe that all of us could find a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
have a connection with a country's history and national identity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who treasure them, which means both countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
unconsciously
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and custom in all ages.
For example
, calligraphy could be a typical representative of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
whose importance has
been challenged
by typing. Despite that handwriting seems to be less efficient in terms of conveying instant messages, it serves as a key means to record history and it passes the civilization in its characterized way. As technology progresses, calligraphy
also
develops itself into an art, driving the styles of clothes and furniture in the new era.

On the other hand
, I do understand that
fully
obeying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
activities in detail could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits, such as burning paper in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qingming
Festival.
However
, what we put emphasis on is the meaning behind the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
rather
than the activity itself. We can choose alternative ways like lighting a candle and
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
burning
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
paper on an electronic screen in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our respect to ancestors and revolutionary martyrs. Apart from the differences in form, our mind for sacrificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and treasure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values are
essentially
the same with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to me that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
all the time for the full appreciation of the identification with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
race and value.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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