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As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

One of the most topical issues in modern society is the social obligations of businesses. There are those who say that businesses should only focus on making a profit, however others believe that compnies should also contribute to society. I completely agree with the idea that businesses should do more for society than simply making money, and I will set out my reasons below There are a number of reasons why people believe that businesses’ sole reponsibility is to make a profit. Firstly, businesses must make money in order to survive in a competitive world. If a company does not make money, it will go out of business, and this will cause people to lose their jobs and negatively affect the economy. Secondly, if entrepreneurs know that a significant proportion of their profits will go to social causes, it may discourage them from starting new businesses in the first place. On the other hand, there are also strong arguments for the idea that busnesses have a wider role to play in society. Perhaps the strongest argument in favour of this viewpoint is in the area of environmental responsibility. For example, all businesses should make sure that their products and waste products do not pollute the environment. Secondly, businesses should also spend some of their profits on charity programs. If companies help to improve the communities around them, they will benefit in the long run. Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that companies should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives. After all, it is in their own best interests in the long term to help to develop their economies and societies.
One of the most topical issues in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is the social obligations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. There are those who say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
,
however
others believe that compnies should
also
contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should do more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
than
simply
making money, and I will set out my reasons below

There are a number of reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses’
sole reponsibility is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money in order to survive in a competitive world. If a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
money, it will go out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, and this will cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to lose their jobs and
negatively
affect the economy.
Secondly
, if entrepreneurs know that a significant proportion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
will go to social causes, it may discourage them from starting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in the
first
place.

On the other hand
, there are
also
strong arguments for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that busnesses have a wider role to play in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Perhaps the strongest argument in favour of this viewpoint is in the area of environmental responsibility.
For example
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that their products and waste products do not pollute the environment.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
also
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
on charity programs. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the communities around them, they will benefit in the long run.

Having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
After all
, it is in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
best interests in the long term to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop their economies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
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IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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