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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.19

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 19
Some people are convinced that technological developments can not go along with cultural preservation. However, I firmly disagree with the statement and I believe that both technology and traditional cultures can simultaneously be enhanced. Firstly, it is indisputable that technology plays a vital role in the preservation and development of traditional cultures. For instance, since the invention of the Internet, many unique traditional cultures from Eastern countries can be introduced and spread widely in Western countries through numerous media outlets such as newspapers, Facebook, Instagram and so on. Moreover, people can uphold traditions of their countries easily by writing articles on the Internet, which not only help the following generations can absorb much knowledge about their ancestors, but also give foreign readers an insight into the ancient beauty of traditional cultures of their countries. Secondly, although technology continues developing dramatically in this era, many countries are implementing a variety of measures which are contributing to the upholding of their traditions. To illustrate, Vietnam and other Eastern countries held the customary festivals annually in which the residents wear traditional clothes and do their customs. It is this activity that helps to transfer cultural knowledge to the youngsters. Furthermore, older people always educate their children to follow their old precious cultures like showing respect for the older ones, which is a feasible solution to maintain traditional values of one country. In conclusion, despite the tremendous growth of technology in this modern time, traditional cultures are being preserved thoroughly by many authorities and individuals. From my perspective, technological enhancement and cultural values can simultaneously develop by taking drastic actions to maintain traditions by using modern technological equipment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are convinced
that technological developments can not go along with cultural preservation.
However
, I
firmly
disagree with the statement and I believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can
simultaneously
be enhanced
.

Firstly
, it is indisputable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays a vital role in the preservation and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For instance
, since the invention of the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
from Eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
be introduced
and spread
widely
in Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
through numerous media outlets such as newspapers, Facebook, Instagram and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can uphold traditions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
easily
by writing articles on the Internet, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the following generations can absorb much knowledge about their ancestors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give foreign readers an insight into the ancient beauty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of their countries.

Secondly
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
continues developing
dramatically
in this era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are implementing a variety of measures which are contributing to the upholding of their traditions. To illustrate, Vietnam and other Eastern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
held the customary festivals
annually
in which the residents wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
clothes and do their customs. It is this activity that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to transfer cultural knowledge to the youngsters.
Furthermore
, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always educate their children to follow their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
like showing respect for the older ones, which is a feasible solution to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values of one country.

In conclusion
, despite the tremendous growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in this modern time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are
being preserved
thoroughly
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
authorities and individuals. From my perspective, technological enhancement and cultural values can
simultaneously
develop by taking drastic actions to maintain traditions by using modern technological equipment.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. with this view? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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