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It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. v.3

It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. v. 3
Technology, the buzzword of today, has improved the quality of life world over. It is true that technology is one of the reasons behind the abrupt destruction of our traditional culture. In my point of view, technology and our tradition go well together. Firstly, traditional games from the bygone days have been evaded by the juvenile and by the grown-up. They are much attracted towards video games rather than ancient games. According to them, these are old-fashioned games. An axiom for this issue is to include traditional games into the video games so that younger generation will get exposure to it. In addition, traditional musical instruments such as banjos are being replaced by new innovations such as guitars, pianos and so on. Apart from this, the numbers of traditional performances organised have also been reduced due to the invention of idiot box which always broadcast a variety of TV shows and serials, making less importance to the traditional performance. In this era of globalisation, people prefer to live in modern apartments. So usages of traditional houses have become comparatively less. Unlike traditional houses, flats offering much secure environment. Moreover, apartment helps to reduce vicissitudes of our life. To have an ancient touch, one can include traditional concepts and furniture while building the apartments. In conclusion, the strong current of technological advancement has indeed eroded some traditions; nevertheless, both of them are not mutually incompatible. We can preserve our traditions which reflect our origins and roots but at the same time manage to develop our country with full utilisation of technology as it could be used to reinstate traditions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
, the buzzword of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the quality of life world over. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is one of the reasons behind the abrupt destruction of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
go well together.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from the bygone days have
been evaded
by the juvenile and by the grown-up. They are much attracted towards video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. According to them, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. An axiom for this issue is to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
into the video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that younger generation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to it.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
musical instruments such as banjos are
being replaced
by new innovations such as guitars, pianos and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Apart from this, the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
performances
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
have
also
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to the invention of idiot box which always broadcast a variety of TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and serials, making less importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
performance.

In this era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in modern apartments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
usages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
have become
comparatively
less. Unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, flats offering much secure environment.
Moreover
, apartment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
vicissitudes of our life. To have an ancient touch, one can include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
concepts and furniture while building the apartments.

In conclusion
, the strong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
of technological advancement has
indeed
eroded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
;
nevertheless
, both of them are not
mutually
incompatible. We can preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which reflect our origins and roots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time manage to develop our country with full
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilisation' is British English.
utilisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to reinstate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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