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It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. v. 2
As it is nigh on impossible to help everyone in the world, some people believe that governments ought to place sole importance on their citizens. Personally, I disagree with this school of thought for several reasons. Firstly, it would be wrong to turn a blind eye to people in need, regardless of where they are in the world. This is because, when it comes to helping others, it is the participation that counts, not the result. Just like every other process that require each and every citizen to partake in, such as a presidential election where one vote cannot determine who is elected or the fight against climate change where one person starting consuming less energy can hardly exert any discernible effect, the enormity of the crusade to help everyone in the world should never stop us or any government from participating in. To add further credence to my assertion, I note the fact that governments that offer support to people living beyond their borders also benefit. Take, for example, the relationship between Vietnam and Japan. In 2009, the latter country was battered by a cataclysmic earthquake that claimed thousands of lives and destroyed the majority of houses in a large area. The Vietnamese government, without any hesitation, sent thousands of tons of rice, millions of dollars, and hundreds of doctors to help Japanese citizens recover from such a catastrophe. In return, Japanese government subsidized lots of infrastructure projects that acted as a catalyst to foster economic growth in Vietnam. In conclusion, governments around the world should continue supporting those who live beyond their geographical borders. I take this view on account of the fact that it would be wrong to stop trying to help people, regardless of location, and that it is of direct benefit to every country that decides to do so.
As it is nigh on impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
ought to place sole importance on their citizens.
Personally
, I disagree with this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
for several reasons.

Firstly
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to turn a blind eye to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need, regardless of where they are in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to helping others, it is the participation that counts, not the result.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like every other process that require each and every citizen to partake in, such as a presidential election where one vote cannot determine who
is elected
or the fight against climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
where one person starting consuming less energy can hardly exert any discernible effect, the enormity of the crusade to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
should never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
us or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
from participating in.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
further
credence to my assertion, I note the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
that offer support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living beyond their borders
also
benefit. Take,
for example
, the relationship between Vietnam and Japan. In 2009, the latter country
was battered
by a cataclysmic earthquake that claimed thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in a large area. The Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, without any hesitation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
thousands of tons of rice, millions of dollars, and hundreds of doctors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
Japanese citizens recover from such a catastrophe. In return, Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
subsidized lots of infrastructure projects that acted as a catalyst to foster economic growth in Vietnam.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
should continue supporting those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
beyond their geographical borders. I take this view on account of the fact that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, regardless of location, and that it is of direct benefit to every country that decides to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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