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Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss. v.6

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss. v. 6
One part of individuals suppose that money wasting on wedding, parties and other celebrations is an unneeded expense. While the other part suggests that these spendings and festivities are important for people. From my perspective, this expense is optional, since to have a good time with family and friends, an enormous amount of money is not vital. In our country, many families like to celebrate events expensively and widely. For example, last summer I visited wedding party where consisted of almost three hundred people were invited. I can add that the party was very noisy. Additionally, I sat with unknown guests and even did not talk with the bride and groom because there was too crowdy. Certainly, they have spent a lot of money on serving and organization costs. I suppose, in spite of the huge money spendings and gorgeous evening not all guests were satisfied. It could be explained by the fact that people want to impress each other. As a result, it leads to the host of the party may take senseless credit from the bank to provide their celebration. Furthermore, this debt restricts them during couple years. On the other hand, some people claim that sometimes such spending might be justified. For example, they may mention marvellous and amazing corporal entertainment and parties. My husband works in a big private corporation, each year they invest a vast quantity of money for high quality corporate holidays. They book the most expensive restaurant in the city and organize concerts. As my husband says, that such high level events bound employers tidally and create friendly atmosphere. Therefore, the company sees that this spendings pay back themselves in the work process, since workers enjoy to work with each other. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would say that in most cases, the large money outlay is pointless, however rarely such money spendings may be acceptable.
One part of individuals suppose that
money
wasting on wedding,
parties
and
other
celebrations is an unneeded expense. While the
other
part suggests that these
spendings
and festivities are
important
for
people
.

From my perspective, this expense is optional, since to have a
good
time with family and friends, an enormous amount of
money
is not vital. In our country,
many
families like to celebrate
events
expensively
and
widely
.
For example
, last summer I visited wedding
party
where consisted of almost three hundred
people
were invited
. I can
add
that the
party
was
very
noisy.
Additionally
, I sat with unknown guests and even did not talk with the bride and groom
because
there was too
crowdy
.
Certainly
, they have spent
a lot of
money
on serving and organization costs. I suppose,
in spite of
the huge
money
spendings
and gorgeous evening not all guests
were satisfied
. It could be
explained
by the fact that
people
want to impress each
other
.
As a result
, it leads to the host of the
party
may take senseless credit from the bank to provide their celebration.
Furthermore
, this debt restricts them during couple years.

On the
other
hand,
some
people
claim that
sometimes
such
spending
might
be justified
.
For example
, they may mention
marvellous
and amazing corporal entertainment and
parties
. My husband works in a
big
private corporation, each year they invest a vast quantity of
money
for high quality corporate holidays. They book the most expensive restaurant in the city and organize concerts. As my husband says, that such high level
events
bound employers
tidally
and create friendly atmosphere.
Therefore
, the
company
sees
that this
spendings pay
back themselves in the work process, since workers enjoy to work with each other.

In conclusion
, taking everything mentioned into account I would say that
in most cases
, the large
money
outlay is pointless,
however
rarely such
money
spendings
may be acceptable.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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