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It is important for governments to spend money to improve internet access rather than public transportation v.2

It is important for governments to spend money to improve internet access rather than public transportation v. 2
All governments are trying to increase their people' s life welfare and improve their lifestyle. There a lot of challenging issues which required politician’s great attention. It is a very controversial question that which task is in the top priority, and the budget should be allocated to it? Some people might think that developing communication services, accessing to internet for instance, is more important than enhancing public transportation. In my own perspective, I think it is more important for government to spend money to improve internet access. Following reasons and examples will elaborate on my opinion. The first reason I want to describe is that nowadays, there are many of work and problems which demand internet. Many jobs, places required internet to work and perform services to their customers. For instance, all bank systems and money transferring rely on internet. By the internet someone could transfer money from one account to another within a second, and without any transporting. Imagine this situation in which you should give some money to your friends who is living in other country. If there was no internet access this procedure would be very costly and time consuming. Second, Sophisticated and integral communication network in each society play an essential role in developing a country. Through internet people could be aware of anything in the world and visit their friends virtually and talk to them. Further people could benefits from internet in learning different things. So, it is obvious that the utility of the internet is more than public transportation which just could transport people from one place to another. Moreover, in my opinion, some of the demand in using public transportation could be declined by improving internet access. For example, it would not necessary to go to the library if you have internet access. Instead of going to library, You can read your book online. Another example came to my mind is, even you can order anything you want form online market which prevent going to the supermarket. Generally, improving public transportation has required more money than internet access and governments planned to reduce demand of displacement by enhancing virtual facilities. To summarize my aforementioned arguments, I believe that, it is more important for government to spend money to improve internet access because internet has more function and a lot crucial work in any society depend on that. Furthermore, internet access could provide this option to reduce demand of using public transportation, and also it required less money to improve.
All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are trying to increase their
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life welfare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their lifestyle. There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenging issues which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
politician’s great attention. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial question that which task is in the top priority, and the budget should
be allocated
to it?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that developing communication services, accessing to internet
for instance
, is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
. Following reasons and examples will elaborate on my opinion.

The
first
reason I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
is that nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of work and problems which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
jobs, places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
internet to work and perform services to their customers.
For instance
, all bank systems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
transferring rely on internet. By the internet someone could transfer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from one account to another within a second, and without any transporting. Imagine this situation in which you should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to your friends who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
is
living in other country. If there was no internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
this procedure would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.

Second, Sophisticated and integral communication network in each society play an essential role in developing a country. Through internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be aware of anything in the world and visit their friends
virtually
and talk to them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
from internet in learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is obvious that the utility of the internet is more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
could transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from one place to another.
Moreover
, in my opinion,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
could
be declined
by improving internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
.
For example
, it
The word 'necessary' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
would not necessary
to go to the library if you have internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
.
Instead
of going to library, You can read your book online. Another example came to my mind is, even you can order anything you want form online market which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
going to the supermarket.
Generally
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
planned to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of displacement by enhancing virtual facilities.

To summarize
my aforementioned arguments, I believe that, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
internet has more function and a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
crucial work in any society depend on that.
Furthermore
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
could provide this option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, and
also
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay It is important for governments to spend money to improve internet access rather than public transportation v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
416 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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