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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. v.60

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. v. 60
Children are at such age of their life when they merely distinguish between the right and the wrong. It is very necessary for parents and teachers to teach them the same, first, by suggestion or advice followed by punishment as many times their inexperienced mind tempt them to do mistakes. Punishment should not affect a child negatively; rather it must be constructive for them. Nowadays children are most vulnerable to get affected by surroundings and electronic media as they easily get exposed to such media. It is impossible to protect them getting exposed to the external environment. Hence it is mandatory for parents or teachers to make them aware of morality and injustice at this age and sometimes punishment is necessary to protect them. At an early age, a child possesses boundless curiosity as he is just exposed to an outside world or society. Thus they imitate what they see and that turns out to be disastrous at times. To avoid that minor punishment is the best way as fear of punishment makes them stay away from many wrong doings. To prove that, the Stanford University had done many surveys on children and the results show that 80% children who had already been punished for their particular mistakes had not repeated the same, on a flip side only 40% who are just advised. On the other hand, punishments should always be associated with some lessons for children. Punishment must be fruitful and it must not be physically or mentally harmful. For example, world's nursery in Japan asks children to plant trees as a punishment. Many schools in India punish children by asking them to run few kilometres. Such punishments are constructive for children's health and society as well. To conclude, I believe that children have to learn about positives and negatives at this age and punishment is one of the effective ways to guide them learn this distinction. However, parents and teachers must use constructive and positive punishments to show them the right path.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are at such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of their life when they
merely
distinguish between the right and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for parents and teachers to teach them the same,
first
, by suggestion or advice followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times their inexperienced mind tempt them to do mistakes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
should not affect a child
negatively
;
rather
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be constructive for them.

Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are most vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by surroundings and electronic media as they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to such media. It is impossible to protect them getting exposed to the external environment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is mandatory for parents or teachers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware of morality and injustice at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is necessary to protect them. At an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, a child possesses boundless curiosity as he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
exposed to an outside world or society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they imitate what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and that turns out to be disastrous at times. To avoid that minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is the best way as fear of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them stay away from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doings. To prove that, the Stanford University had done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surveys on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who had already
been punished
for their particular mistakes had not repeated the same, on a flip side
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40% who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
advised.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
should always
be associated
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lessons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be fruitful and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
physically
or mentally harmful.
For example
, world's nursery in Japan asks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to plant trees as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
schools in India punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by asking them to run few
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are constructive for children's health and society
as well
.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn about positives and negatives at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is one of the effective ways to guide them learn this distinction.
However
, parents and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
constructive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them the right path.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. v. 60

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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