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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. v.59

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. v. 59
Education is likely to be the most important thing to be learnt by every child and that education is not restricted in academic lessons only but also in behaviour field as well. Most people think that young children should be taught about attitude at an early age and a punishment is required in some cases to complete this education. I certainly believe that some punishment for the betterment of the children should be allowed which I will brief in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, it seems that teaching good behaviour and virtues, when children are still in young ages, will be easier both by parents and teachers. Moreover, if this lesson is followed by an appropriate penalty, they will fear and think twice before breaking the applied rules. Research carried out by Statistics Center in Semarang shows that the plenty of youngsters are easier to have a good manner if they got this lesson before they reach their maturity. In addition, if the youngsters know that they will be rebuked and punished if they commit bad actions, they will usually stay away from committing mischievous acts. This research makes clear that a lesson followed by convenience punishments at an early age is likely to be a wise idea to create the youngest being a good member of the society. However, the punishment should always bet to teach a lesson not to intimidate a child. The teachers and parents should always think about alternative ways before imposing any punishment to a child. If the child commits the same abominable act several times, then a minor punishment to teach a lesson should be given. A severe punishment by a teacher or parents could psychologically damage a child and the teachers and parents should always be careful about their way of punishment. Sometimes taking away a favourite toy from a child can be an effective punishment where no physical punishment is required.   The teacher and parents should keep in mind that the main purpose of the punishment if to teach the child a lesson not to hurt him physically. After hashing out the issue, it can be concluded that a lesson to have good manner should be taught as early as possible and the effective punishment like rebuking or taking away favourite toys.
Education is likely to be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and that education is not restricted in academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
field
as well
. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that young children should
be taught
about attitude at an early age and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is required
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases to complete this education. I
certainly
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for the betterment of the children should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
which I will brief in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost, it seems that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and virtues, when children are
still
in young ages, will be easier both by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Moreover
, if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
is followed
by an appropriate penalty, they will fear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
breaking the applied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. Research carried out by Statistics Center in Semarang
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of youngsters are easier to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they reach their maturity.
In addition
, if the youngsters know that they will
be rebuked
and punished if they commit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
actions, they will
usually
stay away from committing mischievous acts. This research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
followed by convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
at an early age is likely to be a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to create the youngest being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
member of the society.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should always bet to teach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
not to intimidate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about alternative ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
imposing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
commits the same abominable act several times, then a minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to teach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. A severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
psychologically
damage a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always be careful about their way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
taking away a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
toy from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can be an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
where no physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is required
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that the main purpose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
if to teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
not to hurt him
physically
.

After hashing out the issue, it can
be concluded
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manner should
be taught
as early as possible and the effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
like rebuking or taking away
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
toys.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. v. 59

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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