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In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
In the previous decades, every nation had a specific age for employment, individuals beyond those age groups were not granted job opportunities in various sectors. However, a shift in this trend is observed in the recent years, where certain countries illegalized this discrimination in the workforce. This essay will outline why the aforementioned change is indeed a positive development. To begin with, most sectors urge individuals beyond the age of 60 to retire from their occupations. But it can be discerned that, in the current times, it has been made obligatory by various countries that people should be granted job opportunities, irrespective of their age. This will have a positive impact towards the workforce, as senior individuals have more experience and better sense of judgement. Junior employees can be better trained by working alongside their seniors. Furthermore, developing interpersonal relationship is another factor which the senior age groups excel in. For instance, elderly individuals are respected and valued by most parts of the community, due to their abundant knowledge and experience, therefore, while making a business deal they are ought to be more successful in convincing others. In addition, allowing individuals to work beyond the age of retirement gives them a sense of purpose. Most elderly citizens after finishing their employment years tend to become lonely and detached from the community. Keeping them in the workforce will keep their minds preoccupied and will enable them to be better associated with the society. In conclusion, when it comes to employment; qualification, skills and experience are the key players. Therefore, refusing to employ an individual based upon their age is completely preposterous. Hence, in my opinion, the current alterations made in the job sector is undoubtedly one of the best approaches.
In the previous decades, every nation had a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for employment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
beyond those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups were not granted job opportunities in various sectors.
However
, a shift in this trend
is observed
in the recent years, where certain countries illegalized this discrimination in the workforce. This essay will outline why the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is
indeed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most sectors urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 to retire from their occupations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it can
be discerned
that, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times, it has
been made
obligatory by various countries that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be granted
job opportunities, irrespective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact towards the workforce, as senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have more experience and better sense of judgement. Junior employees can be better trained by working alongside their seniors.
Furthermore
, developing interpersonal relationship is another factor which the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups excel in.
For instance
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are respected
and valued by most parts of the community, due to their abundant knowledge and experience,
therefore
, while making a business deal they are ought to be more successful in convincing others.

In addition
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to work beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement gives them a sense of purpose. Most elderly citizens after finishing their employment years tend to become lonely and detached from the community. Keeping them in the workforce will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their minds preoccupied and will enable them to be better associated with the society.

In conclusion
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to employment; qualification,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience are the key players.
Therefore
, refusing to employ an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
based upon their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is completely preposterous.
Hence
, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
alterations made in the job sector is
undoubtedly
one of the best approaches.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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