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It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? v.3

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? v. 3
Art and science are considered as pillars of our society. Both, an artist and a scientist, play vital roles in the formation of a civilised society. The contributions from these two entities are highly appreciated and welcomed by all in a society. The influences made by their works are commendable. But, concluding on who contributes more would be cumbersome; however, in the present world where invention and innovation are the buzzwords, I think a scientist’s delivery would be valued more. An artist is highly capable, said to even portray one’s mind. In the past, an artist was an avid source of inspiration for many. An ideal exemplification would be the reference of king DRaja Ravi Varma in Indian scripts, where he was admired by many ladies for his outstanding paintings. The works of world renowned artists like Da Vinci, Othello etc. will need a special mention in this context. The society is acknowledged of its evil faces by artists through their works - a documentary against child labour, celebrities holding hands together against a social cause like AIDS awareness campaigns would serve a few examples. On the other hand, scientists are under constant effort to bring comfort to our life. The scientific revolution is considered an epic that happened in this century. Through new inventions, they aid society in overcoming the obstacles and challenges faced by their counterparts. Through scientist, we are able to achieve longevity, excellent discoveries avail us with new forms of energy, scientists come up with new ideas to improve our quality of life, almost every day. In addition to this, scientists are behind experiments and research to eliminate all possible threats from our society. Meanwhile, almost all huge machines to tiny kitchen equipment that we use in our daily life have a scientist’s effort behind. So from the above discussion, my conscientious allows me to favour a scientist than an artist with regards to their contributions to our society. Both these as mentioned earlier are vital for us. An artist acts as a source of inspiration and information, whereas a scientist works as a source of innovations and inventions.
Art and science
are considered
as pillars of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Both, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
, play vital roles in the formation of a
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilised' is British English.
civilised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The contributions from these two entities are
highly
appreciated and welcomed by all in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The influences made by their works are commendable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, concluding on who contributes more would be cumbersome;
however
, in the present world where invention and innovation are the buzzwords, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist’s
delivery would
be valued
more.

An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
is
highly
capable, said to even portray one’s mind. In the past, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
was an avid source of inspiration for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. An ideal exemplification would be the reference of king
Possible spelling mistake found.
DRaja
Ravi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Varma
in Indian scripts, where he
was admired
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ladies for his outstanding paintings. The works of world renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Vinci, Othello etc. will need a special mention in this context. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is acknowledged
of its evil faces by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
through their works
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a documentary against child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, celebrities holding hands together against a social cause like AIDS awareness campaigns would serve a few examples.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are under constant effort to bring comfort to our life. The scientific revolution
is considered
an epic that happened in this century. Through new inventions, they aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in overcoming the obstacles and challenges faced by their counterparts. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
, we are able to achieve longevity, excellent discoveries avail us with new forms of energy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our quality of life, almost every day.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are behind experiments and research to eliminate all possible threats from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Meanwhile, almost all huge machines to tiny kitchen equipment that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our daily life have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist’s
effort behind.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from the above discussion, my conscientious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
me to
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
their contributions to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Both these as mentioned earlier are vital for us. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
acts as a source of inspiration and information, whereas a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientist
works as a source of innovations and inventions.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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