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It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specif v.2

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specif v. 2
There is a chance that people's health condition in the future will deteriorate. I completely agree with this conjecture because in the future many people will more often face excess weight related health problems, and environmental issues will negatively affect their well-being. The main reason why I believe that the average standard of people's health will worsen is the fact that more and more people today are overweight or obese, and this trend will continue in the future. Since excess weight provokes such conditions like type two diabetes and heart failure, quality of life of the Earth's population will only worsen. For example, according to the studies today average age of people who experience excess weight related cardiovascular diseases decreased, and modern American children are the first generation which will live shorter than their parents due to it. As a result, excess weight and obesity will result in lower health standard in the future. Another argument why I think that next generations will have lower health standard is an increasing scale of environmental impact on their well-being. The global warming will be the main contributor to the deterioration of people's health, since many people cannot adapt to the climate change. For example, the heat waves which swept Europe this summer have aggravated health condition of the people who suffer from high blood pressure. As a consequence, people's health deterioration in the future is inevitable, since the climate change is obvious. In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that people's health in the future will get worse because of looming obesity epidemic and the global warming. However, this consequence could be alleviated if people will tackle the excess weight problem and the climate change.
There is a chance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will deteriorate. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this conjecture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems, and environmental issues will
negatively
affect their well-being.

The main reason why I believe that the average standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will worsen is the fact that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are overweight or obese, and this trend will continue in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
provokes such conditions like type two diabetes and heart failure, quality of life of the Earth's population will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worsen.
For example
, according to the studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
average age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
related cardiovascular diseases decreased, and modern American children are the
first
generation which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
shorter than their parents due to it.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and obesity will result in lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard in the future.

Another argument why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
next
generations will have lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard is an increasing scale of environmental impact on their well-being. The global warming will be the main contributor to the deterioration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot adapt to the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
, the heat waves which swept Europe this summer have aggravated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from high blood pressure. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
deterioration in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is inevitable, since the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is obvious.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of looming obesity epidemic and the global warming.
However
, this consequence could
be alleviated
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
problem and the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specif v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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