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It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? v.4

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? v. 4
The world needs both the artists and scientists. We equally remember the contribution of Leonardo the Vinci and Albert Einstein. It might seem a controversial question whether the contributions of artists are more or less than the contributions of scientists to the world. But to me, there is no scope for debate, hence I value both equally and my believe both types are valuable, priceless and irreplaceable. The art can never be the competitor or alternative of science and the reverse is true as well. The contributions of artists to the society are very essential. Art can form person’s spiritual sense, their views, morality, spirit and personalities. People learn history, the traditions of their country trough the art. We also watch movies that entertain and at the same time extend our range of interests. Another important aspect of this is that art is an ancient means of communication. In old times people depicted the herds of mammoths on the walls of their caves. They performed different rituals around the fireplace asking their gods for health, good harvest and weather. Our language is a result of people's need to communicate. On the contrary, the contribution of scientists is could not be exaggerated. All humankind is indebted to the scientists because of their work and achievements. Scientists make our life easier. We have cars and aeroplanes to move fast from one place to another. We have microwaves and a bunch of preprocessed food to make the cooking much easier. We have different devices that simplify all we do. Finally, scientists are making great achievements in medicine that make our life longer and happier. Nowadays people have a great opportunity to do many things faster by use of computers. To conclude, I believe that artists nourish our souls when scientists and technology feed our minds. So, we can not eliminate or underestimate one of them.
The world needs both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
. We
equally
remember the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
of Leonardo the Vinci and Albert Einstein. It might seem a controversial question whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are more or less than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
to the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to me, there is no scope for debate,
hence
I value both
equally
and my
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
both types are valuable, priceless and irreplaceable. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can never be the competitor or alternative of science and the reverse is true
as well
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to the society are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
can form person’s spiritual sense, their views, morality, spirit and personalities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
learn history, the traditions of their country trough the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. We
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies that entertain and at the same time extend our range of interests. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an ancient means of communication. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
depicted the herds of mammoths on the walls of their caves. They performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
rituals around the fireplace asking their gods for health,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
harvest and weather. Our language is a result of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's need to communicate.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
Did you mean "it"?
is
could not
be exaggerated
. All humankind
is indebted
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work and achievements.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life easier. We have cars and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
from one place to another. We have microwaves and a bunch of preprocessed food to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the cooking much easier.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
devices that simplify all we do.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are making great achievements in medicine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life longer and happier. Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a great opportunity to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things faster by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
nourish our souls when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and technology feed our minds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can not eliminate or underestimate one of them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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