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It is generally accepted that smoking causes the deaths of large number of people. In order to address this problem governments should bans smoking in public places. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is generally accepted that smoking causes the deaths of large number of people. In order to address this problem governments should bans smoking in public places. v. 1
To introduce, Modern family relations have been diminished when compared to the past days. There may be different reasons for this drop down as well, as there will be many ways to increase the relationship, such as spending the days with them, being in touch with them. We would be discussing the causes of not being together, and ideas to make the family to get closer, yet providing the ideas to have happy relations. Although citizens belong to the same family, they would act as these are not related to each other, and there are many factors describing this. A good starting point to discuss would be insufficient time spent with the family members, and it leads to misunderstanding of avoiding each other. In addition to this, some crew may have issues with assets, so they will be having a silent war among themselves. Turning to the methods to make these relatives come closer, it can be seen that there would be many solutions to make it possible. We will discuss about some of the possibilities to avoid those problems between them. To begin with, we should have a meet up at least once within a week, for example going to picnics, having some fun along with them, etc. Also worth to reduce the asset clashes amongst them. To summarize, Relationship's will have life only when the crew spend's some time with other's. Therefore, It would be nice to be with them, although we are busy. Hence, relationships live only people stay with each other and if they do not fight for money.
To introduce, Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relations have
been diminished
when compared to the past days. There may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons for this
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
as well
, as there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to increase the relationship, such as spending the days with them, being in touch with them. We would be discussing the causes of not being together, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer,
yet
providing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to have happy relations.

Although citizens belong to the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they would act as these are not related to each other, and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors describing this. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
starting point to discuss would be insufficient time spent with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, and it leads to misunderstanding of avoiding each other.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crew may have issues with assets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be having a silent war among themselves.

Turning to the methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these relatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it possible. We will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the possibilities to avoid those problems between them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up at least once within a week,
for example
going to picnics, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun along with them, etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
worth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the asset clashes
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
them.

To summarize
, Relationship's will have life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when the crew
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "spends"?
spend's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with other's.
Therefore
, It would be nice to be with them, although we are busy.
Hence
, relationships
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stay with each other and if they do not fight for money.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that smoking causes the deaths of large number of people. In order to address this problem governments should bans smoking in public places. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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