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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenager. Therefore, Physical education and sport should be compulsory for all the students in all school. What do you think? v.1

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenager. Therefore, Physical education and sport should be compulsory for all the students in all school. What do you think? v. 1
Exercising is must for everyone in the aspect of health. It is highly important to follow them from younger age; it is recommended to start from school. Physical workouts and sports will help to make a person fit and improve concentration. In this essay, we will discuss why extracurricular activities are a must. Schools are often regarded as the place, where students are moulded in all aspects; so it is a key responsibility for them to concentrate on student's fitness. Fitness is connected with health, when they become obese at their younger age; it will lead to poor performance in studies. For example, when a child is suffering from obesity it will make them fall sick frequently; and they, tend to take leave adequately it will make them to miss classes. Finally, they will fail to score good marks. Thus, to make them fit; it is important to have physical activities. Secondly, it is believed that doing exercise will help to improve concentration. Sporting will make a person, cheerful, eliminates stress, mind tends to clear up and they feel refreshed. To illustrate this with an example, tennis players will have a good concentration; as they are trained to focus on hitting the balls. In order to make the children to focus on their studies, it is a must to teach them and encourage them to participate in sports activities at least once in a week. To conclude, Working out in schools will improve student's health and focussing power so it is highly needed to have them in all institutions. In my opinion, I think that having classes for extracurricular activities has many positive impacts.
Exercising is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for everyone in the aspect of health. It is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to follow them from younger age; it
is recommended
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from school. Physical workouts and sports will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person fit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
concentration. In this essay, we will discuss why extracurricular activities are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.

Schools are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regarded as the place, where students are
Possible spelling mistake found.
moulded
in all aspects;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a key responsibility for them to concentrate on student's fitness. Fitness
is connected
with health, when they become obese at their younger age; it will lead to poor performance in studies.
For example
, when a child is suffering from obesity it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them fall sick
frequently
; and they, tend to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
adequately
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them to miss classes.
Finally
, they will fail to score
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks.
Thus
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them fit; it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have physical activities.

Secondly
, it
is believed
that doing exercise will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
concentration. Sporting will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person, cheerful, eliminates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, mind tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
up and
they feel refreshed. To illustrate this with an example, tennis players will have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
concentration; as they
are trained
to focus on hitting the balls. In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the children to focus on their studies, it is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
teach them and encourage them to participate in sports activities at least once in a week.

To conclude
, Working out in schools will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
student's health and focussing power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
highly
needed to have them in all institutions. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having classes for extracurricular activities has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenager. Therefore, Physical education and sport should be compulsory for all the students in all school. What do you think? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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