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Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? v.16

According to some people, they believe that leisure activities for children must be educational. I totally agree with the statement due to importance of education as a m competitive environment like today. The leisure activities from educational curriculum itself will helps the students to achieve their goals in a better way. One of the best thing of an extracurricular activity must be educational related is that keen of interest in learning. As though students are very interested in games so a gamely activity related to curriculum will helps the poor students to learn better. For example students who are poor in subjects such as mathematics a bounce game in math will attribute their interest in catching the topic better. Also parents and teachers can take part in the process of learning thus they can evaluate the progress of children. Moreover a leisure activity related to curriculum is simplifying the content of learning and also making meaningful usage of their time. Perhaps children does not know how to use their time wisely, an educational leisure activity is a better choice to use their time in a very effective and efficient way. In conclusion as we are living in a competitive world today, importance of educational is much more so it is worth enough to use one's own time wisely and effectively for a better future. Although by interest in learning plays a major role to have their goals in a better way.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement due to importance of education as
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
m competitive environment like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
curriculum itself will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve their goals in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way. One of the best thing of an extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
related is that keen of interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. As though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a
gamely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
related to curriculum will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
helps
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are poor in subjects such as mathematics a bounce game in math will attribute their interest in catching the topic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
parents and teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
thus
they can evaluate the progress of children.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
related to curriculum is simplifying the content of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and
also
making meaningful usage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Perhaps children does not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective and efficient way.
In conclusion
as we are living in a competitive world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is worth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
and
effectively
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
by interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
plays a major role to have their goals in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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