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It is better for young to get an advice from old people than young people. do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is better for young to get an advice from old people than young people. v. 1
Obtaining the right advice is crucial for every individual's life, especially youngsters. With elderly people having so much of life experience, a school of thought is that youngsters should seek advice from elders when it comes to decision-making situations. I completely agree with this notion. Firstly, an elderly person will have a matured perception towards life. This is primarily due to the fact that they are exposed to numerous real-life situations which would have significantly improved their decision making and situation handling skills. As these skills are acquired through experience only, youngsters tend to lack the skills, and they should be encouraged to seek help from the old people. For instance, crucial decisions like career options, marriage should be discussed with the senior individuals as their insight will be beneficial to identify the right choice. Secondly, elders instinctively have a calm and composed nature, and this attributes a lot when it comes to making the right decision. On the contrary, youngsters, especially teenagers, seems to be sporadic with their calm nature and as a result, decisions are being taken in the spur of the moment without objectively analysing the outcomes. Notably, this is one of the main reasons why youngsters end up in choosing the wrong decisions. However, if youngsters can approach and seek advice with elders on tough decisions in their life, they will be immensely benefitted with the elder's enormous wisdom. Elderly people with their matured perception and composed nature can be an enormous source of wisdom for youngsters, and they should be encouraged to seek advice from elders during crucial moments in their life.
Obtaining the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
is crucial for every individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
especially
youngsters. With elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience, a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is that youngsters should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to decision-making situations. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

Firstly
, an elderly person will have a matured perception towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This is
primarily
due to the fact that they
are exposed
to numerous real-life situations which would have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and situation handling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are acquired
through experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, youngsters tend to lack the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and they should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
like career options, marriage should
be discussed
with the senior individuals as their insight will be beneficial to identify the right choice.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
instinctively have a calm and composed nature, and this attributes a lot when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to making the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
On the contrary
, youngsters,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, seems to be sporadic with their calm nature and
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
are
being taken
in the spur of the moment without
objectively
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the outcomes.
Notably
, this is one of the main reasons why youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in choosing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
.
However
, if youngsters can approach and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
on tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they will be
immensely
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
with the elder's enormous wisdom.

Elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with their matured perception and composed nature can be an enormous source of wisdom for youngsters, and they should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
during crucial moments in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It is better for young to get an advice from old people than young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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