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It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with parents. Do you agree or disagree v.2

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with parents. v. 2
Our society has aroused a question whether students should live far away from home or not. While I recognize the merits of living in schools, I would argue that living at home is somewhat a good option for students. Living in schools or dormitories is suitable for students who want to experience a new way of life: independence. Independence from parents at a young age is encouraged and accepted in numerous nations. Students virtually make a living on their own by seeking a temporary job, not only for earning money but also for gaining work experience, while others make up their minds to engage in clubs and activities which can boost their abilities. This way, I think, is useful for student' s growth. However, there are some benefits of living with family members. Students can enjoy home comforts that dormitories in school cannot supply. Living at home means parents take care of their children when they are sick or provide all their demands. Furthermore, of difficulties they face when they are pursuing tertiary education, falling in line with a new environment or getting used to new method of teaching is the biggest hurdle. Therefore, college students need a tremendous amount of support from parents in order to overcome obstacles. In other words, home, a place student can rely on and find the peace after a day hard at schools. To sum up, like everything else, living at schools or at home also has both sides: dark and bright side. hence, students must choose the most suitable choice to get a good result at schools.
Our society has aroused a question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from home or not. While I recognize the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at home is somewhat a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for students.

Living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or dormitories is suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to experience a new way of life: independence. Independence from parents at a young age
is encouraged
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in numerous nations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
virtually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
by seeking a temporary job, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for earning money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for gaining work experience, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up their minds to engage in clubs and activities which can boost their abilities. This way, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, is useful for
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s growth.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with family members.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can enjoy home comforts that dormitories in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cannot supply.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
at home means parents take care of their children when they are sick or provide all their demands.
Furthermore
, of difficulties they face when they are pursuing tertiary education, falling in line with a new environment or getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to new method of teaching is the biggest hurdle.
Therefore
, college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need a tremendous amount of support from parents in order to overcome obstacles.
In other words
, home, a place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can rely on and find the peace after a day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at schools.

To sum up, like everything else,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or at home
also
has both sides: dark and bright side.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose the most suitable choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with parents. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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