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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements tells us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Do you think that advertising encourages people to buy things that they don’t want? v. 2
The world that we live in today is dominated by advertising. While some people argue that advertising is creative industry that creates awareness of product, others are of the opinion that advertisement enforces to buy unnecessary things. I believe that latter opinion is more correct, as will be explained. To promote a product company uses its brighter side, which only provides incomplete information regarding product. To examplify, today a lot of advertisements are shown about herbal products to reduce weight and that leads to increase in their sales however, health experts says that this product have a lot of side effects and weight can also be reduced by maintaining your diet and exercise. Although, Advertising mainly focuses on brand selling with the use of glamorous and successful people which persuades us to follow the new trend as we live in consumer culture. Moreover, children are more attracted towards advertisement, so they mainly focuses on marketing at children. In this way, children get influenced by the product features and forces their parents to buy it for them even if they can’t afford. A case in point, some schools in UK have banned the use of cellphone in the premises of school as it is major cause of distraction but children want to buy those cellphone because of attraction from advertisement. In conclusion, we can say that an advertisement creates an impression on consumer’s mind which leads them to buy undesirable products. So, it is highly recommended to research about the product before buying it.
The world that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is dominated
by advertising. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that advertising is creative industry that creates awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, others are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
enforces to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary things. I believe that latter opinion is more correct, as will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

To promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
its brighter side, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides incomplete information regarding product.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are shown
about herbal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight and that leads to increase in their sales
however
, health experts says that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
side effects and weight can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by maintaining your diet and exercise. Although, Advertising
mainly
focuses on brand selling with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of glamorous and successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which persuades us to follow the new trend as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in consumer culture.

Moreover
,
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children
are more attracted towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
mainly
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "focus"
focuses
on marketing at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
features and forces their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it for them even if they can’t afford. A case in point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools in UK have banned the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cellphone in the premises of school as it is major cause of distraction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
Did you mean "this cellphone" or "those cellphones"?
those cellphone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of attraction from advertisement.

In conclusion
, we can say that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
creates an impression on consumer’s mind which leads them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
undesirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
highly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended researching".
recommended to research
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying it.
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The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we don't really need. Others say that advertisements tells us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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