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It Is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.5

It Is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 5
It is considered by many that before entering the university, one should take a break of one year after completing the school education. With reference to above phenomenon, there are pros and construction. This essay will discuss its benefits and drawbacks in the ensuing paragraphs. The first and foremost advantage of taking leave for some time ahead of attending the university is to obtain a practical experience of working culture. To be more precise, indulging in the work makes individuals ready for learning the real life circumstances, which are essential in order to sustain in the society. For example, an organization recruits people having a part-time experience rather than those who are fresh and has only theoretical knowledge. Furthermore, the amount of money earned may provide aid for paying ever increasing university fees. To exemplify, a recent survey has conducted that the majority of individuals are opting for job, so that they can fulfil their desire dream by financing fees of the college. The most plausible disadvantage of not excelling towards the college and pursuing for a time off for one year may hinder the understanding of various subjects. This is to say that the individual fails to recall basic fundamentals learned during the school time to get success in further studies. Moreover, many may not go forward for taking an admission in university, because of urge for receiving amount that they gain in the past. To exemplify, the human nature of earning more and more can restrict them in doing any other activities, even if it is shaping their career through education. In conclusion, many individuals prefer to have a time off after their school and go for doing a job due to which they may eventually not complete their further education; however, luxury of gaining workplace experience can develop the overall personality of students before they attend their graduation.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, one should take a break of one year after completing the school education. With reference to above phenomenon, there are pros and construction. This essay will discuss its benefits and drawbacks in the ensuing paragraphs.

The
first
and foremost advantage of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
ahead of attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is to obtain a practical experience of working culture. To be more precise, indulging in the work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
ready for learning the real life circumstances, which are essential in order to sustain in the society.
For example
, an organization recruits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having a part-time experience
rather
than those who are fresh and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
theoretical knowledge.

Furthermore
, the amount of money earned may provide aid for paying
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fees. To exemplify, a recent survey has conducted that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are opting for job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can fulfil their desire dream by financing fees of the college.

The most plausible disadvantage of not excelling towards the college and pursuing for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off for one year may hinder the understanding of various subjects. This is to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
fails to recall
Consider using "fundamentals".
basic fundamentals
learned during the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in
further
studies.
Moreover
,
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
many may
not go forward for taking an admission in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of urge for receiving amount that they gain in the past. To exemplify, the human nature of earning more and more can restrict them in doing any other activities, even if it is shaping their career through education.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
prefer to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off after their school and go for doing a job due to which they may
eventually
not complete their
further
education;
however
, luxury of gaining workplace experience can develop the
overall
personality of students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they attend their graduation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay It Is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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