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Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v.4

Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 4
Art has been the indispensable part of the human civilization from the Stone Age. Although in this era of modernization, more importance is given to the science and technology and few to the art and the artists. Some causes for this ignorance can be identified, but there are some solutions which could help to turn this view. There are two primary reasons why attention of the people is turned into technical areas. Firstly, human beings are heavily dependent on the technology and medical science to survive on this earth, especially to fight the diseases and to create the earth more comfortable to live in. As they found how useful medicines are to live a long life and how essential technology is to live a comfortable life, they started working hard to develop these areas. Secondly, as a business helps to grow the economy of a country, it provides a bounty of employment options. Due to these opportunities, people resort to business rather than artistic skills. Some steps can be taken to promote arts. Firstly, awareness programs to teach the importance of art in human life are very vital. This can be done by introducing arts related subject in the schools where future society is being built. Also, teachers could develop artistic skills among children. Secondly, the government should open art academy for those poor students who cannot afford higher education. Further, it is not enough to educate individuals, the regime should also create opportunities for these graduates in arts. In conclusion, there are some reasons for this trend. However, something should be done by authorities to attract people towards art.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
has been the indispensable part of the human civilization from the Stone Age. Although in this era of modernization, more importance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the science and technology and few to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and the artists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
causes for this ignorance can
be identified
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to turn this view.

There are two primary reasons why attention of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is turned
into technical areas.
Firstly
, human beings are
heavily
dependent on the technology and medical science to survive on this earth,
especially
to fight the diseases and to create the earth more comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. As they found how useful medicines are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a long life and how essential technology is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a comfortable life, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to develop these areas.
Secondly
, as a business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grow the economy of a country, it provides a bounty of employment options. Due to these opportunities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
resort to business
rather
than artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
steps can
be taken
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Firstly
, awareness programs to teach the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in human life are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital. This can
be done
by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
related subject in the schools where future society is
being built
.
Also
, teachers could develop artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
among children.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
academy for those poor students who cannot afford higher education.
Further
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to educate individuals, the regime should
also
create opportunities for these graduates in arts.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this trend.
However
, something should
be done
by authorities to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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