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It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. v. 2
The fairness of workers’ income in association with their hard work has always sparked heated debates. While paying higher wages to employees in senior administrative positions is considered the norm these days, a controversy arises as to if it is a positive trend or not. Even though I agree with paying a higher rate to management positions, I oppose significant difference between the income of those of higher ranks and inferior positions. On the one hand, senior positions deserve to be paid higher wages. Firstly, they have more responsibility. It is those with higher ranks that are the focal points of investigations if something goes wrong; therefore, they should be paid accordingly. For instance, recently, one of the managers of NDH company located in Mordor, which produces consumable goods, was found guilty and condemned to 10 years in prison because of some poisoning-related deaths. Secondly, the majority of people who have senior positions have earned their status by more than decades of hard work and persistence. Statistics show that 90 percent of managers in companies are experienced employees who have climbed the ladder of their careers based on merits. On the other hand, a significant difference between the senior positions’ salary and that of lower positions create a serious problem because it lowers morale. It is demoralizing for laborers to see their contribution and hard labor is not being appreciated and they are unjustly being paid significantly less than people with higher ranks who work in a more comfortable atmosphere. General workers carry the burden of strenuous physical work and if they are not paid handsomely, it may cause dissatisfaction and consequently, cease of work due to strikes. All in all, based on the aforementioned explanation, while I concur that senior positions should be paid higher rates due to their responsibility and experience, it should not have a significant difference with laborers because it can be problematic.
The fairness of workers’ income in association with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has always sparked heated debates. While paying higher wages to employees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
administrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
is considered
the norm these days, a controversy arises as to if it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend or not.
Even though
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with paying a higher rate to management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, I oppose significant difference between the income of those of higher ranks and inferior positions.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
deserve to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher wages.
Firstly
, they have more responsibility. It is those with higher ranks that are the focal points of investigations if something goes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
;
therefore
, they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
accordingly
.
For instance
, recently, one of the managers of NDH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
located in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mordor
, which produces consumable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
,
was found
guilty and condemned to 10 years in prison
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poisoning-related deaths.
Secondly
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
have earned their status by more than decades of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and persistence. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that 90 percent of managers in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are experienced
employees who have climbed the ladder of their careers based on merits.

On the other hand
, a significant difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions’
salary and that of lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
create a serious problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it lowers morale. It is demoralizing for laborers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their contribution and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
labor is not being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
appreciated and
they are
unjustly
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
significantly
less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with higher ranks who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a more comfortable atmosphere. General workers carry the burden of strenuous physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and if they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
handsomely
, it may cause dissatisfaction and
consequently
, cease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to strikes.

All in all, based on the aforementioned explanation, while I concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
higher rates due to their responsibility and experience, it should not have a significant difference with laborers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be problematic.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay It is a positive thing that people who are in senior management positions in companies have much higher salaries than other employees in the same company or organization. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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