Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v.45

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 45
It is a widely held belief that parent should teach the children how to be good members of the society but there is a strong counter-argument amongst sections of people that school is the right place to teach children. However, I am of the opinion that this is a matter to be debated in light of several factors before any conclusion can be drawn. It is generally believed that parents should guide the children on how to deal with society. This is mainly because children will obey the words of parents rather than the teachers. In many books, we can see that the parents are the first teachers. Parents should teach basic qualities like respect, obedience, honesty. Parents should teach those qualities at an early age so that their children can imbibe these qualities into them. For instance, my uncle’s daughter is just studying 5th class, but she respects the elderly people. Since their parents taught her the qualities which she must inculcate in her. The education starts at home and the things learned from early childhood become part of someone's personality and characteristics. Hence, the things kids learn from their parents have a lasting impression on people. So parents should be careful about teaching their kids the moral values and responsibilities to society.   Children by nature mimic their family members and thus parents can teach their kids how to be good members of the society by performing their duties correctly. Most children obey their parents more than anyone else and the instructions the parents give thus have better chances to be obeyed by children. Not all parents can spend sufficient time with children because of their ever-increasing business outside of homes and for those students teachers play an important role. Some students listen to the teachers they like and follow their instructions like written laws. Thus teachers can contribute towards teaching the morality and responsibilities to the children. On the other hand, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that school is the right place to learn how to be good members of society. One of the reasons why this view is held is that nowadays children are not having sufficient time to spend with their parents because both of the parents might be employed or they may keep their child in a hostel. In school children will learn the education. The school must also include these qualities as a part of course structure so that the child may follow them. Thus, it is evident from all discussion that, both the arguments carry equal strength and significance and neither can be refuted outright. I personally subscribe to the proposition that, school is the right place to learn how to be good members of society.
It is a
widely
held belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a strong counter-argument amongst sections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the right place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, I am of the opinion that this is a matter to
be debated
in light of several factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

It is
generally
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should guide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will obey the words of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
like respect, obedience, honesty.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
at an early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can imbibe these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
into them.
For instance
, my uncle’s daughter is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
studying 5th
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she respects the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
taught her the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
which she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
inculcate in her.

The education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at home and the things learned from early childhood become part of someone's personality and characteristics.
Hence
, the things kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a lasting impression on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be careful about teaching their kids the moral values and responsibilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
by nature mimic their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
their kids how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by performing their duties
correctly
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more than anyone else and the instructions the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give
thus
have better chances to
be obeyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can spend sufficient time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their ever-increasing business outside of homes and for those students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students listen to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
they like and follow their instructions like written laws.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can contribute towards teaching the morality and responsibilities to the children.

On the other hand
, there are certain groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
vehemently
contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the right place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. One of the reasons why this view
is held
is that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not having sufficient time to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might be
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employed or
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their child in a hostel. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the education. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
include these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
as a part
of course
structure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the child may follow them.

Thus
, it is evident from all discussion that, both the arguments carry equal strength and significance and neither can
be refuted
outright. I
personally
subscribe to the proposition that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the right place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
69Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 45

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
458 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts