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The cheap airlines are enabling an increasing number of people to travel to foreign countries. What advantages might there be to society in general? v.2

The cheap airlines are enabling an increasing number of people to travel to foreign countries. What advantages might there be to society in general? v. 2
There is no doubt that with the advancement of technology, air travel has become much more easier in today’s world than ever past. This essay totally agree with this proposition that these kind of air companies will have positive effect both those who are willing to travel other part of the world in terms of economically and of course on the economies of host countries. On the one hand, nowadays’ people, especially young generation have a tendency of discovering holiday destination in which they have never been. They believe that being in different countries will have opportunity to face and to meet different culture and friends who are coming from varied places and this experience would benefit them in both business world and daily life. For instance, according the Pegasus Airlines, which its policy based on costumer happiness and cheap flying, number of young passenger has increased 30% in compared to last year’s rate and Head manager of the company Ali Sabancı, explained to Air Magazine that all clients were able to reach unknown holiday destination with less than USD 50 in compared to last year’s number of passenger. On the other hand, we know that discounting on airlines tickets has positive effects upon the economy of host countries in terms of indirectly. It does mean that increases in tickets will led to rise amount of tax during the financial year and the amount of money can be used to build up new general services such as child-care centers, hospitals, bridges and so on but it is undeniable point that all these kind of budget will return to citizens of country as a benefit sooner or later. For example, Financial Department of Government explained that It has seen enormously an increase number of tourist who came to Turkey through using air travel. Could you guess that how much money we obtained from these tourist? All in all, in my opinion, being more cheaper air tickets have much more advantages than disadvantages. If we want to improve as a country we have focus on positive sides instead of negative ones.
There is no doubt that with the advancement of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel has become much
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world than ever past. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposition that
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect both those who are willing to travel other part of the world in terms of
economically
and
of course
on the economies of host countries.

On the one hand, nowadays’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
young generation have a tendency of discovering holiday destination in which they have never been. They believe that being in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will have opportunity to face and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and friends who are coming from varied places and this experience would benefit them in both business world and daily life.
For instance
, according the Pegasus Airlines, which its policy based on costumer happiness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
flying, number of young passenger has increased 30% in compared to last year’s rate and Head manager of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Ali
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sabancı
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Air
Magazine that all clients were able to reach unknown holiday destination with less than USD 50 in compared to last year’s number of passenger.

On the other hand
, we know that discounting on airlines tickets has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects upon the economy of host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in terms of
indirectly
. It does mean that increases in tickets will led to rise amount of tax during the financial year and the amount of money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build up new general services such as child-care centers, hospitals, bridges and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is undeniable point that all
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of budget will return to citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as a benefit sooner or later.
For example
, Financial Department of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
enormously
an increase number of tourist who came to Turkey through using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel. Could you guess that how much money we obtained from these tourist?

All in all, in my opinion, being
Use only "cheaper" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
tickets have much more advantages than disadvantages. If we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
we have focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The cheap airlines are enabling an increasing number of people to travel to foreign countries. What advantages might there be to society in general? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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