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It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of "work-life balance". To what extent should try to have a good work-life balance? v.3

It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of "work-life balance". v. 3
In this technological era, it has become a hard nut to crack to win the race of success, as a result, most of the populace devotes its time to surpass others. This has resulted in imbalanced personal and professional life. However, the value of maintaining the equilibrium between both, is essential to the life in an effective manner. Hence, I support this notion and would mention my supporting ideas in following paragraphs along with the conclusion at the end. Firstly, the counterpoise is necessary for the strongest relationships in terms of personal as well as social aspects. For example, nowadays everyone wants to reach at the peak of the success, in order to enjoy the comforts of the life, as a result, he puts all his endeavours to surpass others, in the race of competition. This practice has provoked the populace to bend towards the aspect of materialism. Therefore, it has given birth to many bottlenecks, in front of the public, on the way of their journey to live a luxurious life like spoiling the personal relationships as in most of the western economies, array of masses does their job approximately 14 to 16 hours a day, as a result, it becomes difficult for them to take the time out for their family. Consequently, this kind of negligence stimulates them to get divorced from each other, because the suffice amount of time that they cannot devote to their families. Therefore, the thought of of maintaining the stability between personal life and career is essential to make the individual relationships strong. Secondly, the equipoise between family and professional life is an excellent remedy to get rid of all sorts of diseases from the life. For example, the surplus amount of time can incite the populace to enjoy the leisure activities with the family members. Moreover, in their spare slot of time, the array of masses can participate in the health concerned exercises such as gym, yoga, running, jogging and other kind of workouts. Thus, all these exercises would help the public to keep them away from various kinds of ailments such as cholesterol, high blood-pressure, muscle-pain, headache, stress, et Cetra. Consequently, this is an excellent move to maintain the equilibrium between family and professional life. At last, it is not a bad idea to work hard, in order to get succeed in the occupation, but not by sacrificing the family. It is, therefore, a good to consider the counterpoise to enjoy the life effectively.
In this technological era, it has become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
nut to crack to win the race of success,
as a result
, most of the populace devotes
Did you mean "it's" (=it is) instead of the possessive pronoun 'its'?
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to surpass others. This has resulted in imbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, the value of maintaining the equilibrium between both, is essential to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
.
Hence
, I support this notion and would mention my supporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in following paragraphs along with the conclusion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Firstly
, the counterpoise is necessary for the strongest relationships in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
as well
as social aspects.
For example
, nowadays everyone wants to reach at the peak of the success, in order to enjoy the comforts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
as a result
, he puts all his
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
to surpass others, in the race of competition. This practice has provoked the populace to bend towards the aspect of materialism.
Therefore
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bottlenecks, in front of the public, on the way of their journey to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like spoiling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
relationships as in most of the western economies, array of masses does their job approximately 14 to 16 hours a day,
as a result
, it becomes difficult for them to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Consequently
, this kind of negligence stimulates them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
divorced from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'suffice' is correct. If 'suffice' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the suffice
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that they cannot devote to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
maintaining the stability between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and career is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the individual relationships strong.

Secondly
, the equipoise between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is an excellent remedy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of all sorts of diseases from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, the surplus amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can incite the populace to enjoy the leisure activities with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Moreover
, in their spare slot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the array of masses can participate in the health concerned exercises such as gym, yoga, running, jogging and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of workouts.
Thus
, all these exercises would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them away from various kinds of ailments such as cholesterol, high blood-pressure, muscle-pain, headache,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
Consequently
, this is an excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to maintain the equilibrium between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and professional life.

At last, it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeed in the occupation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not by sacrificing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It is,
therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to consider the counterpoise to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
effectively
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been noted that many people who had a big impact on the world gave themselves completely to their work and did not bother with the idea of "work-life balance". v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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