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It has become very common for people to borrow money. Most people have a credit card, a mortgage and often they will buy car on credit as well. Is this a good idea or is it too risky? Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.4

It has become very common for people to borrow money. Most people have a credit card, a mortgage and often they will buy car on credit as well. Is this a good idea or is it too risky? 4
These days, many people are acquainted with credits cards and debts. They are using the cards for payments in online and debts are for investing money for some purpose. Firstly, it is totally fine if we borrow money through credit cards and mortgage. For example, many online shopping trends show that the people who purchase materialistic goods are often using the cards' preference which is mainly through a credit card. This benefit provides an option to buy things even if we are not having the full amount ready. But, one should be attentive to clear the amount took from credit card after a certain period to avoid the over debts which are caused by increased periodic interests. Secondly, many online shopping Web sites are offering the deals with customers, whoever purchases the goods with credit card by coupons and cash backs. These make people buy even more with the particular payment procedure. Thirdly, the debts are also useful for people who want to invest money for certain purposes. For example, if anyone who wants to start a business and are looking towards the investment help, then loans are the best option. Even we are having many categories in that like gold loan, land loan, property loan and many more. One can choose the best choice by their income status and also rates of interest keeping in their mind. In conclusion, it is helpful for us to pay through credit cards and it is risky only if we chose the wrong rate of interest option which should always in accordance with the income status of an individual.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are acquainted
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debts
. They are using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
for payments in online and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debts
are for investing money for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
purpose.

Firstly
, it is
totally
fine if we borrow money through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and mortgage.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online shopping trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
materialistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
using the cards' preference which is
mainly
through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
. This benefit provides an option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things even if we are not having the full amount ready.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, one should be attentive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the amount took from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
after a certain period to avoid the over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debts
which
are caused
by increased periodic interests.

Secondly
,
Possible agreement error. The noun shopping seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much online shopping", "a good deal of online shopping".
many online shopping
Did you mean "Websites"?
Web sites
are offering the deals with customers, whoever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
card
by coupons and cash backs. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
even more with the particular payment procedure.

Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
debts
are
also
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to invest money for certain purposes.
For example
, if anyone who wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a business and are looking towards the investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
are the best option. Even we are having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
categories in that like gold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
, land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
, property
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. One can choose the best choice by their income status and
also
rates of interest keeping in their mind.

In conclusion
, it is helpful for us to pay through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cards
and it is risky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if we chose the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
rate of interest option which should always in accordance with the income status of an individual.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay It has become very common for people to borrow money. Most people have a credit card, a mortgage and often they will buy car on credit as well. Is this a good idea or is it too risky? 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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