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Is this a positive or negative developmentIs that governments spend a huge amount of money building public transport? Discuss both sides v.1

Is this a positive or negative developmentIs that governments spend a huge amount of money building public transport? 1
Rising levels of obesity pose a serious threat to a number of individuals having health issues. This essay will discuss why there has been a rise in the number of obese people and suggest solutions to overcome those problems. Firstly, there has been a rise in the number of overweight people because of a lack of exercise. Individuals do not find time out of their busy schedule to exercise. Due to the absence of any physical activities in routine life, people tend to gain more weight and are prone to health issues. For instance, it has been scientifically proven people who do not exercise for at least one hour in a day gain weight at a fast rate. Secondly, there has been a subsequent rise in the consumption of unhealthy food and fatty foods leading to overweight. However, the menace of obesity can be solved. Being physically active and spending time to exercise is the main way to tackle this issue. Adults and Teenagers should be made aware of the importance of exercise in daily life and how it can help to maintain weight and avoid health-related issues in the future. Also, another way to avoid obesity is by having proper healthy food. Citizens, especially children, should avoid eating junk foods. To Conclude, obesity is a threat to our society, causing various health-related issues among our communities because of a lack of exercise and unhealthy lifestyles. People should be aware of the role of exercise in everyday life and eating right to remain fit and avoid health diseases related to obesity.
Rising levels of obesity pose a serious threat to a number of individuals having health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. This essay will discuss why there has been a rise in the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and suggest solutions to overcome those problems.

Firstly
, there has been a rise in the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Individuals do not find time out of their busy schedule to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Due to the absence of any physical activities in routine life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to gain more weight and are prone to health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
For instance
, it has been
scientifically
proven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
for at least one hour in a day gain weight at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rate.
Secondly
, there has been a subsequent rise in the consumption of unhealthy food and fatty foods leading to overweight.

However
, the menace of obesity can
be solved
. Being
physically
active and spending time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the main way to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. Adults and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
should
be made
aware of the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in daily life and how it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain weight and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
health-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in the future.
Also
, another way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
obesity is by having proper healthy food. Citizens,
especially
children, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
eating junk foods.

To Conclude
, obesity is a threat to our society, causing various health-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
among our communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and unhealthy lifestyles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should be aware of the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in everyday life and eating right to remain fit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
avoid
health diseases related to obesity.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Is this a positive or negative developmentIs that governments spend a huge amount of money building public transport? 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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