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is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 2
Teaching history for schoolchildren has been a heated topic constantly. There is a common belief that local history is more important to children than world history. However, I disagree with this belief. I believe the notion that local history is more valuable than world history should be rejected. Some people may claim that the insights into the localhistorical values are completely enough for one to live. Their claim could be true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communications were between people of the same race and origin. However, this view is now outdated, as the world has become globalised and international businessand migrant workers have made any community a global village. In this context, an understanding of a foreign country’s history would enable future local workers to reinforce the relationship between them and theexpatriates from that country. In addition, I am strongly convinced that children would benefit the most only when the learning of local history is placed parallel to that of world history. To understand a local historical event, children should put the regional and sometimes even world context in that historical era into consideration. For example, children should acknowledge that the event that Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945 only happened after a series of relevant events in the World War II, one of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. In this way of learning, children would understand history more deeply andthoroughly. All the existing data has provided a concrete foundation that the study of local history should always be parallel to that of world history. This practice would guarantee that children learn history more comprehensively and be able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.
Teaching
history
for schoolchildren has been a heated topic
constantly
. There is a common belief that
local
history
is more
important
to
children
than
world
history
.
However
, I disagree with this belief.

I believe the notion that
local
history
is more valuable than
world
history
should
be rejected
.
Some
people
may claim that the insights into the
localhistorical
values are completely
enough
for one to
live
. Their claim could be true a few decades ago when most interpersonal communications were between
people
of the same race and origin.
However
, this view is
now
outdated, as the
world
has become
globalised
and international
businessand
migrant workers have made any community a global village. In this context, an understanding of a foreign country’s
history
would enable future
local
workers to reinforce the relationship between them and
theexpatriates
from that country.

In addition
, I am
strongly
convinced that
children
would benefit the most
only
when the learning of
local
history
is placed
parallel to that of
world
history
. To understand a
local
historical
event
,
children
should put the regional and
sometimes
even
world
context in that historical era into consideration.
For example
,
children
should acknowledge that the
event
that Vietnam regained its independence after defeating the Japanese troops in Indochina in 1945
only
happened after a series of relevant
events
in the
World
War II, one of which is the surrender of Japan to the Allies. In this way of learning,
children
would understand
history
more
deeply
andthoroughly
.

All the existing data has provided a concrete foundation that the study of
local
history
should always be parallel to that of
world
history
. This practice would guarantee that
children
learn
history
more
comprehensively
and be able to tighten the bond with migrant workers in their country.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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