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If you were going to take a trip alone, what would you take with you? Please include details in your response. v.1

If you were going to take a trip alone, what would you take with you? Please include details in your response. v. 1
I do not think wealth and material possessions are the best way to success because I know that many reward millionaires were not wealthy people or did not grow up lapped in luxury. If they were not poor, their products might not exist now. I know two of reward people who are known as succeed from a poor family. Firstly, she's name is Madam C. J. Walker, she was Negro and poor, they were often insulted and segregated. Despite that situation, she has tried to make a hair care product for Negro women, she wanted to help them then she had become a billionaire. She had sold alone by her hands, then she instituted own beauty salon. She was poor, but obviously succeed, her product is sold still now. She did not afford the time and money to care about own hair and she had known that many women are same as her. Therefore, she wanted to help them and to change the misery situation. Secondly, his name is Momohuku Ando, he had invented an instant cup noodle. He was also poor who had experienced the Pacific War. Poor person was not only him, many people to suffer from starvation at that time. Therefore, he wanted to innovate some easy and useful foods for them. He had tried plenty of times every single day, he did not have any special cooking tools. His wife also assisted him. Finally, he had succeeded to innovate an instant cup noodle that is known all over the world now. I do not deny that wealth and material possessions help success. However, I do not think that it is the best way. In my view, the most important things for success are having a passion and a sustained effort.
I do not
think
wealth and material possessions are the best way to success
because
I know that
many
reward millionaires were not wealthy
people
or did not grow up lapped in luxury. If they were not
poor
, their products might not exist
now
.

I know two of reward
people
who
are known
as succeed from a
poor
family.
Firstly
, she's name is Madam C. J. Walker, she was
Negro
and
poor
, they were
often
insulted and segregated.

Despite that situation, she has tried to
make
a hair care product for
Negro
women, she wanted to
help
them then she had become a billionaire. She had sold alone by her hands, then she instituted
own
beauty salon. She was
poor
,
but
obviously
succeed, her product
is sold
still
now
.
She
did not afford the time and money to care about
own
hair and
she had known that
many
women are same as her.
Therefore
, she wanted to
help
them and to
change
the misery situation.

Secondly
, his name is
Momohuku
Ando
, he had invented an instant cup noodle. He was
also
poor
who had experienced the Pacific War.
Poor
person was not
only
him,
many
people
to suffer from starvation at that time.
Therefore
, he wanted to innovate
some
easy and useful foods for them. He had tried
plenty
of times every single day, he did not have any special cooking tools. His wife
also
assisted him.
Finally
, he had succeeded to innovate an instant cup noodle that
is known
all over the world
now
.

I do not deny that wealth and material possessions
help
success.
However
, I do not
think
that it is the best way. In my view, the most
important
things for success are having a passion and a sustained effort.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you were going to take a trip alone, what would you take with you? Please include details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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