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The graph above shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v.1

The graph above shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 1
Some people tend to be loyal to the same company all their professional life while others think working for a different companies might be a good idea. In my opinion, it does not depend whether we work for the same organisation or keep on changing frequently, until it is not deterring our professional growth. Firstly, working in an organisation for all their life would result in better opportunities for promotion. For instance, current chairman of Tata Sons, which is the biggest multinational company of India, joined as a fresher and has made a prodigious rise until now. The companies which have a primary objective of research needs their employees to be loyal as their job might need long term dedication and commitment. Also, devoting an entire career for same boss would help nascent a healthy professional as well as personal relationship outside the workplace. The firms also consider a person as job hopper if one changes industry very frequently. Contrastingly, there are many cases where students passing out from university take up jobs which are not of their interest as they have to pay their student loans and other debts. There are also instances where employees feel they are not commensurate properly, which leaves them with no other option than to switch firms. There is also a common notion that people who have worked in different cultures tend to adapt to difficult situations easily. Some people also feel that doing the same work over and over again for years renders them of new advancements in the technology. To conclude, it is a mutual relationship of employee and employer which determines the stay of the employee in a particular organisation. No individual will think to switch jobs until one is satisfied professionally with the current job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to be loyal to the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
all their professional life while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
working for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In my opinion, it does not depend whether we work for the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on changing
frequently
, until it is not deterring our professional growth.

Firstly
, working in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for all their life would result in better opportunities for promotion.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
chairman of Tata Sons, which is the biggest multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
of India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
as a fresher and has made a prodigious rise until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which have a primary objective of research needs their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to be loyal as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
might need long term dedication and commitment.
Also
, devoting an entire career for same boss would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nascent a healthy professional
as well
as personal relationship outside the workplace. The firms
also
consider a person as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hopper if one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frequently
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where students passing out from university take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are not of their interest as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay their student loans and other debts. There are
also
instances where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
feel they are not commensurate
properly
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them with no other option than to switch firms. There is
also
a common notion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have worked in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures tend to adapt to difficult situations
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
feel that doing the same work over and over again for years renders them of new advancements in the technology.

To conclude
, it is a mutual relationship of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and employer which determines the stay of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
in a particular
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. No individual will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
until one
is satisfied
professionally
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay The graph above shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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