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The tables below give information abou sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. v.1

The tables below give information abou sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. v. 1
In the recent times, many people are aware about the art work. This will lead them to a visit to the museum. Some museums are taking money for the entry which will be utilized in the management of it. There are a plethora of merits and few demerits of this. The essay will discuss above notion with arguments in below paragraphs. To begin with, the predominant merit is that the money can be utilized to pay the salary of the employee of the museum. This will be employed to take care of an important thing from the visitors. Moreover, this money can also be utilized to organize the event. Although, many people are visiting this place to explore their skills, this event can help them raise the awareness of their work. For example, many museums can organize the competition and declare the prize to the winner, as a result, people were trying to attempt this type of work. On the other hand, there are few demerits of taking money for the entry of a museum. The first demerit is that the museum will not contain the extraordinary work as per the visitant expectation. As a result, they feel they spoiled their money. Furthermore, in the modernized world, the rate of this will increase drastically as well. Due to this many people are ignoring visit to a such place in spite of they are using the internet to see the work. For instance, people having low family budget never take their child to see such places. In conclusion, there are many advantages of collecting money in the form of entry fee compare to few disadvantages. This money can use to provide the service to the visitant and salary of employees who manage it.
In the recent times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware about the art work. This will lead them to a visit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the entry which will
be utilized
in the management of it. There are a plethora of merits and few demerits of this. The essay will discuss above notion with arguments in below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the predominant merit is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be utilized
to pay the salary of the employee of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. This will
be employed
to take care of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing from the visitors.
Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
also
be utilized
to organize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are visiting this place to explore their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them raise the awareness of their work.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can organize the competition and declare the prize to the winner,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were trying to attempt this type of work.

On the other hand
, there are few demerits of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the entry of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. The
first
demerit is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
will not contain the extraordinary work as per the visitant expectation.
As a result
, they feel they spoiled their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Furthermore
, in the modernized world, the rate of this will increase
drastically
as well
. Due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ignoring visit to a such place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
they are using the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the work.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having low family budget never take their child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such places.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the form of entry fee compare
Did you mean "too"?
to
few disadvantages. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to provide the service to the visitant and salary of employees who manage it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The tables below give information abou sales of Fairtrade*-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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