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Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v.3

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 3
Football followers are more interested in doing criminal activities instead of watching the match. This essay will discuss the consumption of alcohol as the major cause of the increase in violent activities and further, outline that the this issue can be solved by banning alcohol and other illicit substances. The main reason for the rise in violent and dangerous activities in the football field is the growth in the consumption of alcohols and drugs. This is to say, the two rival gangs following their own favourite football team under the influence of liquor and illegal drugs gets into verbal and physical arguments with each other which not only causes difficulty for other people enjoying the match but also the match gets cancelled. To exemplify, a recent study by The Times showed that there is more than 80 percent rise in crime and violent activities by the football supporters. The upsurge in violent activities can be solved by prohibiting the use of liquor in the football stadium by the management. In other words, the management of the football field should set rules and heavy penalty for the entry of liquor and drugs in the stadium. Moreover, guards should be appointed and should be given strict to check each and every person properly and confiscate any forbidden of prohibited substance found. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times showed that there has been more than 60 percent drop in the activities of football hooligans by formulating stringent rules and regulations. To conclude, the major reason for the increase in the violent and criminal activities by football hooligans in the consumption of alcohols and drugs. This issue can be solved by formulating strict rules in banning the entry of prohibited products in the field.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Football
followers are more interested in doing criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
instead
of watching the match. This essay will discuss the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
as the major cause of the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
further
, outline that
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
issue can
be solved
by banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
illicit substances.

The main reason for the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
field is the growth in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohols
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. This is to say, the two rival gangs following their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
team under the influence of liquor and illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
into verbal and physical arguments with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes difficulty for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoying the match
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the match
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
cancelled. To exemplify, a recent study by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there is more than 80 percent rise in crime and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
supporters.

The upsurge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
be solved
by prohibiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of liquor in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
stadium by the management. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the management of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
field should set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and heavy penalty for the entry of liquor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
in the stadium.
Moreover
, guards should
be appointed
and should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
strict to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
each and every person
properly
and confiscate any forbidden of prohibited substance found. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there has been more than 60 percent drop in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
hooligans by formulating stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.

To conclude
, the major reason for the increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
and criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
hooligans in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohols
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. This issue can
be solved
by formulating strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in banning the entry of prohibited products in the field.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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