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is it better to stay in a job that is raliable, or it is better a job that is not reliable and pay you more money? v.1

is it better to stay in a job that is raliable, or it is better a job that is not reliable and pay you more money? v. 1
Schools should incorporate financial education as a necessary subject for children. This essay supports the aforementioned statement completely because of the benefits it brings to pupils. This essay will first, discuss that teaching monetary education will help students to learn how to manage their day-to-day expenses and further, it will look at how students will acquire the knowledge to take financial and investment decisions. Imparting erudition about finances is very beneficial for school students as they will learn from a very early age about how to take care of their costs. This is to say, educating children about money will not only learn about the importance of savings but also how to spend it wisely. As a result, they will develop a habit of saving their pocket-money in their piggy banks and spending them for purchasing necessary and useful things rather than on unnecessary and unproductive goods and games. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times on March 2019 showed that more than 80 percent of school students when taught about the usefulness of wealth management, were more capable of taking care of their daily expenses. Apart from this, teaching students about fiscal management will help them to develop the understanding and knowledge of how to take financial decisions. In other words, children will have the ability and thinking level about the various schemes and options such as children's welfare schemes and kids saving bank account where the money can be invested and huge returns can be generated. As a consequence, children will become capable of taking mature fiscal decisions from a very early age, moreover, can use that money for future events. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of children after being taught about the importance of money, invest their savings in several children schemes. In conclusion, I vehemently agree that conveying knowledge about fund administration and management to school pupils is essential because they will learn to take care of their spendings and will take mature monetary decisions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should incorporate financial education as a necessary subject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This essay supports the aforementioned statement completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits it brings to pupils. This essay will
first
, discuss that teaching monetary education will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to manage their day-to-day expenses and
further
, it will look at how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will acquire the knowledge to take financial and investment decisions.

Imparting erudition about finances is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age about how to take care of their costs. This is to say, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how to spend it
wisely
.
As a result
, they will develop a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
their pocket-money in their piggy banks and spending them for purchasing necessary and useful things
rather
than on unnecessary and unproductive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and games. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times on March 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when taught about the usefulness of wealth management, were more capable of taking care of their daily expenses.

Apart from this, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about fiscal management will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop the understanding and knowledge of how to take financial decisions.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have the ability and thinking level about the various schemes and options such as children's welfare schemes and kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
bank account where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be invested
and huge returns can
be generated
. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become capable of taking mature fiscal decisions from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age,
moreover
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after
being taught
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
schemes.

In conclusion
, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that conveying knowledge about fund administration and management to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils is essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to take care of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings
and will take mature monetary decisions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay is it better to stay in a job that is raliable, or it is better a job that is not reliable and pay you more money? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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