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Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or it is better to save for some time in the future? v.2

Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or it is better to save for some time in the future? v. 2
Many of us at least once in our life-time face the issue whether it is to enjoy with his money or save it for later on, which one would be more satisfying for us? Although some people prefer to enjoy with there money, I would definitely take a step back and stat saving. The reasons for which my prospect is based on will be discussed in detail below. First and foremost, Principle of the balance between saving and spending provides a steady flow of information about the value of the the matters, The concept of the saving is a cornerstone of today' s society, in fact, we need knowledge to sustain our life and without it we couldn' t survive in contemporary realities. Furthermore, many of the working adults have families which depend on them and rely on their decisions. Secondly, as the old saying goes " no risk, no reward' , because successes often times accompany risks, there are fewer opportunities for rewards without any risks, and usually saving and not spending money will have some risks of getting some problems with people. Take my self for example, when i graduated from the university with a bachelor' s degree, I was faced with two choices. One was to continue studying in the same university for a master' s degree without any risks and enjoy with my time. The second one was to study abroad without knowing which university would admit me and spend my whole money on the Education. Wanting a better future, I chose to travel abroad and spend my money on the master' s degree and in doing so, I succeeded in getting admitted into a university abroad. Lastly, from psychological aspect, spending money on wise way should contribute in building the person. As for society, encourage anyone to enjoy his money and then will fall in the debt in any area and ignoring them in there most crucial conjuncture of life, will cause many problems. This notion may cause other problems such as depression, alienation and also ruin their self-confidence. I personally believe this is not good for development of the society in the future due to the fact that self-confidence and positive thinking are chief motivators of societies. To summarize, the real situation necessitates wisdom to thoroughly weigh the pros and cons before jumping to spend money on the something useless. As discussed above, I can safely come to the conclusion that saving money is safer in making sure there is higher chance of success and it' s more favorable since it is the most effective way in ensuring a higher success rate and will save people from undue troubles as well as assist them to prospect further.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of us at least once in our life-time face the issue whether it is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or save it for later on, which one would be more satisfying for us? Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
with there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I would definitely take a step back and stat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
. The reasons for which my prospect
is based
on will
be discussed
in detail below.

First
and foremost, Principle of the balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
and spending provides a steady flow of information about the value of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
matters, The concept of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
is a cornerstone of
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s society, in fact, we need knowledge to sustain our life and without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t survive in contemporary realities.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the working adults have families which depend on them and rely on their decisions.

Secondly
, as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying goes
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
, no
Possible spelling mistake found.
reward&
#039;
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
successes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times accompany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, there are fewer opportunities for rewards without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, and
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
and not spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Take my self
for example
, when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
graduated from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelor&
#039; s degree, I
was faced
with two choices. One was to continue studying in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for a
Possible spelling mistake found.
master&
#039; s degree without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
with my time. The second one was to study abroad without knowing which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would admit me and spend my whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the Education. Wanting a better future, I chose to travel abroad and spend my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
master&
#039; s degree and in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I succeeded in getting admitted into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
abroad.

Lastly
, from psychological aspect, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on wise way should contribute in building the person. As for society, encourage anyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and then will fall in the debt in any area and ignoring them in there most crucial conjuncture of life, will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. This notion may cause other problems such as depression, alienation and
also
ruin their self-confidence. I
personally
believe this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for development of the society in the future due to the fact that self-confidence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking are chief motivators of societies.

To summarize
, the real situation necessitates wisdom to
thoroughly
weigh the pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
jumping to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the something useless. As discussed above, I can
safely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is safer in making sure there is higher chance of success and
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s more favorable since it is the most effective way in ensuring a higher success rate and will save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from undue troubles
as well
as assist them to prospect
further
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or it is better to save for some time in the future? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
453 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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