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Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. v.1

Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. v. 1
In recent days, watching movies on mobile phone or tablet culture become popular. Few people think that seeing movies on above mentioned devices, save their money and time. So they are enjoying their videos with these small devices. But other's opposing this type of culture and stating that to watch a movie on big screen gives full joyful moment. In this essay I am going to discuss both the views and I have a strong reason to support watching movies in a cinema theatre gives immense pleasure. To begin, nowadays both men and women are working with companies and they have to travel in a bus or train to reach their destiny. At that spare time they are interested in watching favourite dramas in their gadgets. Also, they are thinking that it helps to save their money and engage their free times. For example, many of my friends are working in textile companies, they always says that watching serials in their free times using phones makes them convenient. On the other hand, many people interested in theatre to see the movies. They suggested that entertainment should be always separate. They do not mix with any other activities. Spending time, relaxing and watching on big screen gives uncontrolled happiness. For example, My relatives monthly, twice spend their weekends in malls & theatres and they say that it gives intensive happiness than watching in small devices. In my opinion I strongly believe that watching a movie on wider screen always relaxing. Though it's still expensive & required additional days, still I believe it's a way to get a great pleasure.
In recent days, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on mobile phone or tablet culture become popular. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on above mentioned devices, save their money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are enjoying their videos with these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
devices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
other's opposing this type of culture and stating that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
full joyful moment. In this essay I am going to discuss both the views and I have a strong reason to support watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in a cinema
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
immense pleasure.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, nowadays both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are working with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
companies and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel in a bus or train to reach their destiny. At that spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
are interested
in watching
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
dramas in their gadgets.
Also
, they are thinking that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to save their money and engage their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of my friends are working in textile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, they always
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "say"
says
that watching serials in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
using phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them convenient.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interested in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. They suggested that entertainment should be always separate. They do not mix with any other activities. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, relaxing and watching on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
uncontrolled happiness.
For example
, My relatives monthly, twice spend their weekends in malls &
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
theatres and
they say that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
intensive happiness than watching in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
devices.

In my opinion I
strongly
believe that watching a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on wider screen always relaxing. Though it's
still
expensive & required additional days,
still
I believe it's a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great pleasure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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