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Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. v.2

Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. v. 2
Nowadays society is one of the most essential aspects of people' s life. Some authorities claimed that the government' s in sport centres is the best method to develop a healthy community. This essay will argue why such money investments are almost entirely necessary despite other unordinary ways of joining the local society to name but a few. It seems that sport has ben united people for many years from diverse demographical societies. The reason for that, is in providing both opportunity to do your favourite hobby or job and meet others. To give an example, I live in one of the residential zones, where the government built a vast amount of leisure centres, and approximately all my current friends I met here. Overall, these few instances have bolstered existing thoughts and opinion, that by constructing sport centres the government boosts the level of unity of certain regional community. Not only that, but local outdoor festivals are also another great way of getting people closer. While visiting the event with one' s own company, it is a big possibility to become friends with someone else, due to the fact that such occasions are created to unite and develop diverse fellowships. For instance, if my native city did not invest money in our annual festivals, they would be all poor, dull and moody, without and result. THerefore, the idea of carrying out special events is currently very common as all countries endeavour to make our society more friendly. To sum up, this essay argues that people who believe, that sport amenities are the best way to foster a community spirit, underestimate the power of festivals. In my point of view, the leisure centres is not completely the most famous and efficient, as many of us visiting other facilities as well as clubs, which are more favourable.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is one of the most essential aspects of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
authorities claimed that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
government&
#039; s in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is the best method to develop a healthy community. This essay will argue why such money investments are almost
entirely
necessary despite other
Possible spelling mistake found.
unordinary
ways of joining the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.

It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has
Did you mean "been"?
ben
united
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years from diverse
Possible spelling mistake found.
demographical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. The reason for that, is in providing both opportunity to do your
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
hobby or job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
others. To give an example, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in one of the residential zones, where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
built a vast amount of leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, and approximately all my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
friends I met here.
Overall
, these few instances have bolstered existing thoughts and opinion, that by constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
boosts the level of unity of certain regional community.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
local outdoor festivals are
also
another great way of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer. While visiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
possibility to become friends with someone else, due to the fact that such occasions
are created
to unite and develop diverse fellowships.
For instance
, if my native city did not invest money in our annual festivals, they would be all poor, dull and moody, without and result.
Possible spelling mistake found.
THerefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of carrying out special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is
currently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common as all countries
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
more friendly.

To sum up, this essay argues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
amenities are the best way to foster a community spirit, underestimate the power of festivals. In my point of view, the leisure
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
is not completely the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and efficient, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us visiting other facilities
as well
as clubs, which are more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Investment in local amenities such as leisure centres is the best way for the government to foster a good community spirit. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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