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The convoyThe term “convoy” describes the network of social relationships that everyone carries forward through life. The convoy provides valuable social supports because it forms a protective layer of family and friend show help a person manage the chall v.1

The convoyThe term “convoy” describes the network of social relationships that everyone carries forward through life. The convoy provides valuable social supports because it forms a protective layer of family and friend show help a person manage the chall v. 1
To solve the growing housing problem, societies are being built on the outskirts of large cities. Many people are against this destruction of the countryside. While this is essential to accommodate the influx of people in the city, it may also create environmental issues. This essay shall cover why it is necessary to build homes away from the main cities. Firstly, replacing trees with concrete bars will give rise to environmental hazards. As pollution levels increase across major cities, this greenbelt helps control it. For example, Lahore these days is facing worst smog of all times. One of the main reasons behind this is that all adjacent areas which earlier had different types of plants have homes built upon them. Had the forests still been there, the situation would have been less difficult. Secondly, this also disturbs the natural ecosystem. When one tree is killed, many insects that feed on it and large animals that feed on the insect are harmed. Moreover, a number of insects and animals are killed directly through this destruction. An example of this is, around Mexico City after the plants were uprooted, the insect which pollinated vanilla plants became rare in numbers. The country is now facing issues with cultivation of their famous vanilla seeds. In conclusion, it is necessary to construct homes for everyone, however risking lives of humans by creating environmental issues and other living organisms by destroying their homes is not favourable. An alternate could be to build smaller homes and high rise buildings within urban areas.
To solve the growing housing problem, societies are
being built
on the outskirts of large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are against this destruction of the countryside. While this is essential to accommodate the influx of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the city, it may
also
create environmental issues. This essay shall cover why it is necessary to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
away from the main cities.

Firstly
, replacing trees with concrete bars will give rise to environmental hazards. As pollution levels increase across major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, this greenbelt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
control it.
For example
, Lahore these days is facing
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
smog of all times. One of the main reasons behind this is that all adjacent areas which earlier had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of plants have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
built upon them. Had the forests
still
been there, the situation would have been less difficult.

Secondly
, this
also
disturbs the natural ecosystem. When one tree
is killed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insects
that feed on it and large animals that feed on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insect
are harmed
.
Moreover
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insects
and animals
are killed
directly
through this destruction. An example of this is, around Mexico City after the plants
were uprooted
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insect
which pollinated vanilla plants became rare in numbers. The country is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing issues with cultivation of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
vanilla seeds.

In conclusion
, it is necessary to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for everyone,
however
risking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of humans by creating environmental issues and other living organisms by destroying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
. An alternate could be to build smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and high rise buildings within urban areas.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The convoyThe term “convoy” describes the network of social relationships that everyone carries forward through life. The convoy provides valuable social supports because it forms a protective layer of family and friend show help a person manage the chall v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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