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Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.8

Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. v. 8
Some people argue that inventors who have created many advantageous equipments for human beings are less vital than doctors. I totally disagree with this statement as inventors and doctors have different merits in our lives. On one hand, it is obviously seen that doctors have an enormous impact on our life. Doctors help people and take care of them in order to provide health care. . By promoting preventive medicine and keeping people healthy, doctors reduce the health gap between rich and poor populations. Furthermore, doctors can curb and contagious disease and other epidemic conditions can be a huge threat to the health of people. For instance, in the outbreak of corona virus, which has caused these days, doctors have made huge efforts and although many of whom are slipping away from the campaign, this epidemic is partly controlled and mortality rates are eliminated thanks for their attempt. On the other hand, it is no doubt that inventors have an important influence on society. Their inventions have significantly changed human’s lifestyle. Inventions bring us together without any distance or language barrier. For example, people can use phone contact with others without face-to-face communication. Those inventions bring tremendous effects in the attempt of industrializing and modernizing the world. Moreover, inventors not only give inspiration for people to be more creative, but also encourage them to make their dreams, their harbours come true. In conclusion, doctors and inventors are incomparable because both have undeniable roles in our lives that cannot be replaced.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
who have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantageous equipments for human beings are less vital than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
. I
totally
disagree with this statement as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
merits in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On one hand, it is
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have an enormous impact on our life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and take care of them in order to provide health care.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
By promoting preventive medicine and keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the health gap between rich and poor populations.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
can curb and contagious disease and other epidemic conditions can be a huge threat to the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, in the outbreak of
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
, which has caused these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have made huge efforts and although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of whom are slipping away from the campaign, this epidemic is partly controlled and mortality rates
are eliminated
thanks for their attempt.

On the other hand
, it is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
influence on society. Their inventions have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
human’s lifestyle. Inventions bring us together without any distance or language barrier.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
phone contact with others without face-to-face communication. Those inventions bring tremendous effects in the attempt of industrializing and modernizing the world.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give inspiration for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more creative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their dreams, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'harbours' is British English.
harbours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inventors
are incomparable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both have undeniable roles in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that cannot
be replaced
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Inventors are not as important to society as doctors. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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