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Everyone should stay at school until 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Everyone should stay at school until 18. v. 1
There is an argument that students should finish complete their education programs in schools until reaching 18. In my opinion, I totally agree with this view of point. There are some convincing reasons why people should not leave school before 18 years old. Firstly, the more time students learn in schools, the more knowledge they gain. Schools, also, provide people with educational environments, where people can improve their social skills, especially teamwork skills, and develop their relationships that they all need in the future. Secondly, people will not be able to go on to universities and colleges if they did not have a high school diploma. After completing university, people can have more opportunities to get a better job with much higher salaries, compared to those who just finish secondary school. For instance, in Vietnam, people will be more successful in their careers with a college degree. On the other hand, those who lack of academic knowledge will find tough in making a living. For example, without expert skills and knowledge, many just can take up manual labour jobs, which is often plodding and low-income. Moreover, mainly because they are not enough mature to make a right decision. Therefore, people who exposed to the real world at an early age will not be able to avoid the temptations as well as easily have unlawful activities. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned before, I have always believed that human beings should study and finish their education at high schools until they are 18.
There is an argument that students should finish complete their education programs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
until reaching 18. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view of point.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convincing reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Firstly
, the more time students learn in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the more knowledge they gain.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
,
also
, provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with educational environments, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
especially
teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and develop their relationships that they all need in the future.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to go on to universities and colleges if they did not have a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
diploma. After completing university,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job with much higher salaries, compared to those who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finish secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For instance
, in Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more successful in their careers with a college degree.

On the other hand
, those who lack of academic knowledge will find tough in making a living.
For example
, without expert
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can take up manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
jobs, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
plodding and low-income.
Moreover
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
mature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right decision.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who exposed to the real world at an early age will not be able to avoid the temptations
as well
as
easily
have unlawful activities.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I have always believed that human beings should study and finish their education at high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
until they are 18.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Everyone should stay at school until 18. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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