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Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 7
There are people that believe that cash is the most important gift for younger, but also there is another group of people that disagree with it. In my opinion, there are pros and cons and we need to extract the good stuff and avoid the worst things when we give money for a teenager. On the one hand, cash as a gift is an extraordinary form to teach finances and save money for a teenager. When we give money as a gift for teens, we could teach them about the importance of saving money for the future and we can also improve the responsibility sense. In addition, they can choose what they want to buy avoiding useless gifts. On the other hand, teenagers have much more responsibility these days than when their parents were young and social media can influence how this money will be used. Usually, they need to lead with much more pressure so that giving cash as a gift can contribute in a bad way putting more pressure on their shoulders. As we are living in a social media era, it can influence how this money will be used and can create weird situations for parents’ teenagers. To sum up, from my point of view, giving cash as a gift is an interesting way to introduce new concepts for younger. However, this gift also can contribute in a bad way, putting much more responsibility on the Teenager’s shoulder. How can we solve this equation? With moderation. We need to explore the cons and avoid the drawbacks of giving cash as a gift.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for younger,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there is another group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that disagree with it. In my opinion, there are pros and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cons and
we need to extract the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stuff and avoid the worst things when we give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is an extraordinary form to teach finances and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
. When we give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for teens, we could teach them about the importance of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
we can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the responsibility sense.
In addition
, they can choose what they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
avoiding useless gifts.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have much more responsibility these days than when their parents were young and social media can influence how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Usually
, they need to lead with much more pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
can contribute in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way putting more pressure on their shoulders. As we are living in a social media era, it can influence how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and can create weird situations for parents’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To sum up, from my point of view, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
is an interesting way to introduce new concepts for younger.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
also
can contribute in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way, putting much more responsibility on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenager
’s shoulder. How can we solve this equation? With moderation. We need to explore the cons and avoid the drawbacks of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people think that money is the best gift for teenagers. Others disagree. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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