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Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. v. 4
Information machinery plays a significant role in daily activities which is altering various aspects of lives. I believe that the merits of information automation are far more than its demerits. Some traditionalists think that IT is endangering their way of living; however, I personally believe that its advantages are far more than its disadvantages. To begin with, the advantage of automation lies in the fact that it has helped people become more social and have more relations with each other; more specifically, communication technologies abolish distances and enable everyone to connect around the globe. Furthermore, many people have been able to reconnect with long lost friends through the network instead of visiting each other face to face due to technology lives become easier than before and automation provides people with various entertainments. Additionally, in doing house chores, technology allows people to do their chores more conveniently and easily compared with the past. For example, housewives do not need to go out for buying goods; they stay at home and buy their materials online. • On the other hand, technology has some negative effects on our lives; because of technology, people’s activities decrease dramatically, so using technology results in gaining weight and becoming fat and obese, leading to serious diseases such as diabetes and blood pressure; moreover, it makes people lazier, so technology affects their health and fitness because more and more people are taking up watching TV or surfing net instead of playing sports. Spending time on video games or online games make children waste their time. In conclusion, technology changes people’s lives both positively and negatively. However, we cannot deny the benefits of technology.
Information machinery plays a significant role in daily activities which is altering various aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. I believe that the merits of information automation are far more than its demerits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
traditionalists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that IT is endangering their way of living;
however
, I
personally
believe that its advantages are far more than its disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the advantage of automation lies in the fact that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more social and have more relations with each other; more
specifically
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
abolish distances and enable everyone to connect around the globe.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been able to reconnect with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lost
friends through the network
instead
of visiting each other face to face due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
become easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and automation provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with various entertainments.
Additionally
, in doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
chores,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do their chores more
conveniently
and
easily
compared with the past.
For example
, housewives do not need to go out for buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
; they stay at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their materials online.

•
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
activities decrease
dramatically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
results in gaining weight and becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and obese, leading to serious diseases such as diabetes and blood pressure;
moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affects their health and fitness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking up watching TV or surfing net
instead
of playing sports. Spending time on video games or online games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children waste their time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
both
positively
and
negatively
.
However
, we cannot deny the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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