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Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. v.2

Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. v. 2
Today, luxury lifestyle has affected humans’ living conditions fundamentally. While in the past traditional rules were a major base for many communities, now people consider money as a priority. Some believe that our ancestors had a better living situation, and I firmly agree with them. Undeniably, now personal factors have become the first choice for many people living across the world. One obvious example is that young have less respect for elders. Thinking solely the benefits, juveniles value less their parents’ attitudes compared to the past. For instance, to select their marriage partner, the former youth considered their parents’ opinions more than now, whereas now they have become more selfish and do not value their parents’ experience. On the other side, parents have become greedy too. Clearly, they financially backed up their children before more than now; however, many over 65 people always prefer to have more saving instead of helping their children. As a prime example, my grandfather supported my mother’s education tuition, but she has not paid any cent for my education even she knew I had many problems to pay it. From my perspective, our ancestors had a better living condition. One important reason behind it is that they were more supportive to each other.   Admittedly, traditional family structure assisted all age groups to have a better feeling about life. Adolescents need to be supported by their adults during their study, and seniors received more aids from their offspring. Another one is that communities could adapt themselves to some unexpected critical conditions. In this case, had not European poor citizens been supported by the rich after World War II, their homes would not have been recovered so fast. In conclusion, developing of technology, humans have the lacking consideration to others. I personally believe that the former societies had safer lifestyles because all age groups were more supportive to each other, during critical conditions or any stage of life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, luxury lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
humans’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
conditions
fundamentally
. While in the past traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
were a major base for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider money as a priority.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that our ancestors had a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
situation, and I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them.

Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
personal factors have become the
first
choice for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
across the world. One obvious example is that young have less respect for elders. Thinking
solely
the benefits, juveniles value less their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
attitudes compared to the past.
For instance
, to select their marriage partner, the former youth considered their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
opinions more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
they have become more selfish and do not value their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
experience. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have become greedy too.

Clearly
, they
financially
backed up their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
over 65
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always prefer to have more saving
instead
of helping their children. As a prime example, my grandfather supported my mother’s education tuition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she has not paid any cent for my education even she knew I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems to pay it.

From my perspective, our ancestors had a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason behind it is that they were more supportive to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Admittedly
, traditional family structure assisted all age groups to have a better feeling about life. Adolescents need to
be supported
by their adults during their study, and seniors received more aids from their offspring. Another one is that communities could adapt themselves to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unexpected critical conditions.
In this case
, had not European poor citizens
been supported
by the rich after World War II, their homes would not have
been recovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

In conclusion
, developing of technology, humans have the lacking consideration to others. I
personally
believe that the former societies had safer lifestyles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all age groups were more supportive to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, during critical conditions or any stage of life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of the modern society. Some people think that we must return to the older and more traditional values of respect for the family and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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