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Individual can do nothing to improve the enviroment; only goverment and large companies make differece. what extended do you agree or disagree? v.1

Individual can do nothing to improve the enviroment; only goverment and large companies make differece. what extended v. 1
The world has been suffering from the burning issue of global warming which has plays prominent role in global problems, mainly as the result of environment, the authority and giant companies should take conscious step to improve environment. I am partially disagree with this statement and evaluate some causes in below paragraphs. Paradoxically, individual can play indispensable role to improve the environment. First of all, they stop using of private transportation and then they start using of eco-friendly vehicles such as bicycle. Also they should give us support to the authority and, also make us discipline. Moreover, they start using of paper things rather than plastics and last they should celebrate ecofriendly day. By celebrating eco-friendly day, masses are aware about what to do and what not to do. On the other hand, government and large companies can also play a vital role to improve the environment. First step government should start awareness campaign in countryside and urban area to aware about this issue. Also larger companies should make strict norms against some particular products such as plastic. Furthermore, authority should make strict rules and regulation against some self-centric people and also implemented heavy penalties. For instance, in 2012, CANADA impose a rule that each house grow a one tree infront of house. So that is better way to improve this environment. Agglomerating all the points elaborated above, it can be concluded that government also helps to improve the environment but individual also play a major role to improve the environment.
The world has been suffering from the burning issue of global warming which has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in global problems,
mainly
as the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, the authority and giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should take conscious step to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. I am
partially
Consider using a past participle here: "disagreed".
disagree
with this statement and evaluate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes in below paragraphs.

Paradoxically
, individual can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
indispensable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using of private
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
transportation and
then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using of eco-friendly vehicles such as bicycle.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they should give us support to the authority and,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us discipline.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using of paper things
rather
than plastics and last they should celebrate
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecofriendly
day. By celebrating eco-friendly day, masses are aware about what to do and what not to do.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
First
step
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
awareness campaign in countryside and urban area to aware about this issue.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
larger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict norms against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular products such as plastic.
Furthermore
, authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
self-centric
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
also
implemented heavy penalties.
For instance
, in 2012, CANADA impose a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
grow a one tree
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
this environment.

Agglomerating all the points elaborated above, it can
be concluded
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
individual
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Individual can do nothing to improve the enviroment; only goverment and large companies make differece. what extended v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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