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Independent WritingDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important way to improve people’s health is to clean the environment. v.2

Independent Writing The most important way to improve people’s health is to clean the environment. v. 2
as inseparable part of each modern world, the issue of people' s health plays a pivotal role in any society. as by the advent of high technology and growth of endustrialisation, not only the environment have been damaged, the human being health have been affected negatively too. Hence, I strongly believe that one of the most important way to improve human health is to keep the environment clean. I feel this way for some reasons which are pinpointed in the following. to begin with, food is one of the paramount issue that has effect on our health. If our environment is dirty and full of toxic material, both agriculture product, which feed on soil directly, such as rice, beans, fruits, namely but a few, and animal which, provide our meat and polean, such as sheep, cow, pig will be posionus for our body. Since all these source of nourishment provide their food from the soil. For example, in our country, some area because of nuclear war has affected. in these area, almost the majority of children which are born are paralyeas and slaw. such as inability in some of their bodies, lack of eyesight, etc. researchers found that the soil of these field was toxic and these issue has negative effect on the infant and their mothers. Another paramount issue which should be taken in to consideration is that human beings enjoy the green and sustainable environment physically and mental, since humans are interested in aesthatic. If the environment is lack of any air or water pollution, beautify with evergreen trees and flowers, almost the majority part of the youth tend to go outside and do some exercise so that they may refresh their mind and reduce their stress. lets take our rural area as an example. many years ago, when I was a child, our reigion was very neat and beautiful person. . there was a lake where beuitfil seabirds flow above it and feed on from it. people used to do some excersie during the day especially at the morning near there. by the advent of so called " high technology and machine age" our roural suffer from air and water pollution. sadly, the lake gradually dried out and no body go there ever. these area conver to a place for accumulation rubbish and debris. therefor people have no area to do excersice of even take a deep breath. most of the youth suffer from heart desease because of lack of oxygen and sedentary lifestyle. by taking account all the above reasons and many others, I personally believe that environment plays an important role in human' s health. since not only does it improve their health mentally, but it also physically by eating food.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
inseparable part of each modern world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays a pivotal role in any society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
by the advent of high technology and growth of
Possible spelling mistake found.
endustrialisation
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
have
been damaged
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
too.
Hence
, I
strongly
believe that one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Please check whether a plural form of 'way' should be used.
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
clean. I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons which
are pinpointed
in the following.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, food is one of the paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
that has effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. If our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is dirty and full of toxic material, both agriculture product, which feed on soil
directly
, such as rice, beans, fruits,
namely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few, and animal which, provide our meat and
Possible spelling mistake found.
polean
, such as sheep, cow, pig will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
posionus
for our body.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
all these source of nourishment provide their food from the soil.
For example
, in our country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of nuclear war has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, almost the majority of children which
are born
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
paralyeas
and slaw.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as inability in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their bodies, lack of eyesight, etc. researchers found that the soil of these field was toxic and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the infant and their mothers.

Another paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
which should
be taken
in to consideration is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings enjoy the green and sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
physically
and mental, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are interested
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
aesthatic
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is lack of any air or water pollution, beautify with evergreen trees and flowers, almost the majority part of the youth tend to go outside and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may refresh their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Did you mean "let's" (let's = let us; lets = 3rd person singular of 'let')?
lets
take our rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
as an example.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
years ago, when I was a child, our
Possible spelling mistake found.
reigion
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
neat and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
person.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
was a lake where
Possible spelling mistake found.
beuitfil
seabirds flow above it and feed on from it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
excersie
during the day
especially
at the morning near there.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
the advent of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
called
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; high technology and machine
Possible spelling mistake found.
age&quot
; our
Possible spelling mistake found.
roural
suffer from air and water pollution.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
sadly
, the lake
gradually
dried out and
Did you mean "nobody"?
no body
go there ever. these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
Possible spelling mistake found.
conver
to a place for accumulation rubbish and debris.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
excersice
of even take a deep breath.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
most
of the youth suffer from heart
Possible spelling mistake found.
desease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of oxygen and sedentary lifestyle.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
taking account all the above reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
since
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
mentally,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
physically
by eating food.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent Writing The most important way to improve people’s health is to clean the environment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
456 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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