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Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. v.2

Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. v. 2
No one can deny that the internet supplies a huge amount of information for everybody. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that accessibility to an extensive source of information is lucrative and useful whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that vast information can pose acute problems. In my humble opinion, published information in the internet is worthwhile because it broadens every individual' s knowledge - considering diversity and accessibility of the information. What follows is elaboration of my viewpoint. The first reason that immediately comes to mind is that the diversity of the online information broadens the knowledge. That is to say, everyone can search the internet and find different subjects that he needs. For example, my friend was working on a project that required various information about politics, history, and economics that she had to travel to several universities in different cities to achieve the sources she needed. However, she obtained all the data by searching the internet. Therefore, a lot of diverse online information leads to breadth of knowledge. Another equally important reason is that we have whatever we want all together. This means that we do not need to consult many books or any other resources to find the answer and solve our problem. Besides providing services by the internet that make all data that we need easily accessible, information in the internet is very comprehensive that students can obtain all recent and old articles. This is while the books or other resources may not embrace new subjects and discussions. Thus, vast knowledge over the internet collects all the information that we require in one place. The other side of the coin, however, is reliability. Regarding to the excessive amount of articles spread through the internet, there may be some pieces of spurious information that mislead their readers. However, the invalid documents are distinguishable from valid ones because the original websites related to trustworthy institutions publish genuine data. Therefore, unreliability is not a real problem. Decisively, if one weighs the aforementioned merits and demerits of online information, one soon realizes that the excessive amount of data provided through the internet is valuable and lucrative since it brings diversity and breadth of knowledge along with widespread accessibility to required information. In fact, although there may be some unreliable websites, the trustworthy data provided by authentic institutions are discernible, diverse, accessible, and comprehensive.
No one can deny that the internet supplies a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for everybody. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that accessibility to an extensive source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is lucrative and useful whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective, believing that vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can pose acute problems. In my humble opinion, published
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
is worthwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it broadens every
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
considering diversity and accessibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. What follows is elaboration of my viewpoint.

The
first
reason that immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to mind is that the diversity of the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
broadens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
That is
to say, everyone can search the internet and find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects that he needs.
For example
, my friend was working on a project that required various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about politics, history, and economics that she had to travel to several universities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities to achieve the sources she needed.
However
, she obtained all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
by searching the internet.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diverse online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
leads to breadth of knowledge.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that we have whatever we want all together. This means that we do not need to consult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
resources to find the answer and solve our problem.
Besides
providing services by the internet that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
that we need
easily
accessible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comprehensive that students can obtain all recent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
articles. This is while the books or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
resources may not embrace new subjects and discussions.
Thus
, vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
over the internet collects all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that we require in one place.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the coin,
however
, is reliability.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the excessive amount of articles
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "spreads"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'spread' is not always incorrect.)
spread
through the internet, there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pieces of spurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that mislead their readers.
However
, the invalid documents are distinguishable from valid ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the original websites related to trustworthy institutions publish genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
Therefore
, unreliability is not a real problem.

Decisively
, if one weighs the aforementioned merits and demerits of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
realizes that the excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
provided through the internet is valuable and lucrative since it brings diversity and breadth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
along with widespread accessibility to required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. In fact, although there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unreliable websites, the trustworthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
provided by authentic institutions are discernible, diverse, accessible, and comprehensive.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 11: A/D? Some people say that the internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to so much information creates problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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